Marriage and Relationships During Incarceration in Colorado

Relationships During Incarceration in Colorado | InmateAid

A woman flew from out of state to visit her husband at Buena Vista Correctional Complex. She brought their two-year-old daughter. She had booked the flight, the rental car, the hotel room. Less than 24 hours before the visit, CDOC called to cancel it. She found out on the way to the airport.

She went anyway, because she did not want to fully lose the $1,700 she had already spent. She was not able to see him at all that weekend.

That story was told to the Colorado Legislature in early 2025 and it helped drive House Bill 25-1013, which passed both chambers and was signed into law in May 2025. The bill changed something fundamental: in Colorado, visiting an incarcerated family member is now a legal right, not a privilege that can be revoked as punishment. Under the previous policy, CDOC could "approve, deny, suspend, or revoke" social visiting at the discretion of the facility head. Under the new law, CDOC cannot restrict visitation beyond what is necessary for routine facility operations or genuine safety concerns.

This is the most significant visiting rights development in any state in this series. It does not eliminate the practical obstacles -- the drive to Buena Vista or Sterling or Limon or Canon City, the scheduling, the rules, the cost. But it removes the power to cancel a visit as a punishment tool and the arbitrary authority that produced a $1,700 wasted trip.

If you are in a relationship with someone in a Colorado prison, this law matters to you. You now have legal standing that you did not have before.

There are no experts in this. We have experience. You measure your situation against ours and decide what is true for you.

The Wife and the Girlfriend Are Not the Same Person

It happens in Colorado visiting rooms the same way it happens everywhere else -- at Centennial Correctional Facility in Canon City, at Sterling Correctional Facility in Logan County, at the women's facilities at Denver Women's Correctional Facility and the Colorado Women's Correctional Facility in Canon City.

Some of the men inside are running two tracks. There is the woman who knows the real situation and the woman who knows the version he performs. They may not know about each other. They may both have filled out visitor applications. They may both be on the approved list.

The one who knows the real situation is talking about the now. What the kids need. How the lease is going. Whether the car needs work. She is managing a Colorado household -- in Denver, where rent has escalated dramatically, or in a smaller community along the Front Range, or in one of the rural counties with fewer resources -- and she is doing it without another adult. She is not romantic about the relationship because romance requires a distance from daily pressure she no longer has.

The other one is talking about the future. What they are going to do when he gets out. Where they are going to go. She is still in the version of the relationship that has not been tested by rent increases or sick kids or the decision of whether to renew the lease alone. She comes to the visit with energy and plans.

He treats them differently. With the one who knows everything he is more transactional, more likely to need something before he asks how she is. With the other one he is more careful, still performing the version of himself he wants to believe in.

Some women reading this are the one who knows everything. Some are the other one. Some are finding out right now which one they are.

If you are not sure: does he know what is actually happening in your week, or does he only know what he needs from it? Are you the person he calls when something is good, or only when something is needed? Have you met anyone in his life who knew about you?

The answers are not comfortable. But they are information.

What the New Law Actually Changes

House Bill 25-1013, signed into law in 2025, did not eliminate every obstacle to visiting. It did something more specific: it changed visiting from a privilege to a right.

Under the previous system, a facility head could cancel your visit for reasons that had nothing to do with you -- as a form of institutional discipline, as a management tool, as a response to something the incarcerated person did or was accused of doing. The woman with the two-year-old and the $1,700 trip did nothing wrong. Her visit was canceled because CDOC had the authority to cancel it.

Under HB 25-1013, CDOC can still limit visitation for genuine safety and security reasons, court orders related to victim safety, and to prevent co-defendant communication. But they cannot withhold visiting as punishment beyond what is necessary for actual operational needs.

What this means practically: if your visit is canceled, you now have legal standing to file a grievance and push back. The cancellation has to be justified by something real, not by administrative convenience. The law also requires CDOC to take "reasonable measures" to increase telephone and non-contact visit access for people in restrictive housing.

This does not mean visits will never be canceled. It means the reason has to be legitimate and the department is accountable for it.

Check the current visiting policies at cdoc.colorado.gov, which have been revised to reflect HB 25-1013, including the full text of Administrative Regulation 300-01 Offender Visiting Program.

The Commissary Conversation

The phone call in Colorado goes through ViaPath/GTL and it costs money. The call is not free the way it is in California. FCC rate caps apply. And somewhere in the call, it turns to his books and what you can send.

He is dependent. He cannot buy his own soap or his own food beyond what the facility provides without money in his trust account. That dependency produces a need that comes through the phone in ways that do not always feel like love. Sometimes it feels like management. Like you are being called not because he misses you but because his account is low.

You are managing a Colorado household. Denver rent. Front Range costs. The bills that do not pause because one income is gone. Whatever you have left after the necessities is already stretched.

Women ask about this on InmateAid's Ask the Inmate section more than almost any other relationship question. Whether he is calling other women with the time and the money she is funding. Whether the need is about love or about logistics. The wondering sits underneath every call and does not go away until someone names it out loud.

The conversation that saves the relationship is the one where you say: here is what I can send and here is when -- not because I do not love you but because this is the actual math of my life right now. Set a sustainable number. Communicate it. Hold it. Consistency matters more than any single large deposit.

What She Is Carrying That He Cannot See

Colorado is a large state with a geography that spreads its correctional facilities across significant distances. Canon City alone houses multiple CDOC facilities -- Centennial, Colorado State Penitentiary, Fremont, several others -- all in Fremont County in the mountains south of Denver, about two hours from the city. Sterling is three hours northeast, near the Nebraska border. Limon is ninety minutes east of Denver on the high plains.

For a woman in Denver, the visit to her partner in Canon City or Sterling is not a morning errand. It is a commitment of time and money and planning, often with children in the car. And before HB 25-1013, she could make all of that happen and still be turned away at the door.

When he went in, she absorbed everything he used to do. Every decision. Every bill. Every sick kid and school meeting and form that needs a signature. Every night the house is quiet in a way that does not feel like peace. She is doing it in a state where the cost of living has risen dramatically over the last decade and where the support infrastructure for families of incarcerated people is not as visible as it should be.

Friends leave when the news is bad. Some leave immediately. Some gradually. Some family members feel confirmed in reservations they had about the relationship and do not hide it. What is left is her, managing children who are watching her to understand how they are supposed to feel about all of this.

The person inside experiences deprivation. What he often cannot see is that she is deprived too -- not of freedom but of partnership, of another adult, of someone to hand the weight to at the end of the day. The resentment that grows from that gap is real. It is not a sign the relationship is wrong. It is a sign both of them are under a pressure most couples never face.

The Doubt Is Normal

At some point, most women in this situation think about leaving.

Maybe it was the canceled visit after a two-hour drive. Maybe it was the commissary call that turned into a fight. Maybe it was a winter night in Denver, alone, with the kids, watching the snow and feeling the permanence of it. Maybe it was just a Thursday.

The thought is not betrayal. It is what happens when a person carries more than they were built to carry alone.

Some women leave. Some should. The sentence can reveal things about the relationship that were already true. Leaving is not failure.

Some women stay and build something. Not the relationship they had before. Something different. Something that has been tested in a way most couples never are and has not broken. The ones who build something stopped pretending. They had the real conversations.

We are not going to tell you to stay or go. We will tell you that the doubt is not proof the relationship is wrong. It is proof that you are paying attention.

The Social Isolation Nobody Warns You About

When your partner goes to prison, you lose more than your partner. The social world that existed around the relationship changes. The people who were comfortable with the couple version of your life may not know how to relate to the version of you managing this alone. Some of them disappear. The neighbors have theories. The family has opinions. Everyone has something except what you actually need, which is one person who can sit with you in the reality of what this is without making it about themselves.

Colorado has advocacy organizations including Colorado Criminal Justice Reform Coalition and community legal organizations that sometimes connect families to support resources. Denver has more resources than rural counties, and the rural county resources are thin. If you are outside Denver or Colorado Springs, finding support may require more searching.

If you can find one person. One friend, one family member, one therapist who does not make you feel judged. Find them and let them in. The isolation compounds everything else.

Visiting in Colorado: The New Law, the Rules, the Drive

Colorado does not have conjugal visits. No private overnight time. What Colorado offers is contact visits at most facilities -- a short embrace and a brief closed mouth kiss at the beginning and end of each visit, holding hands during the visit, children present.

Visiting is now a legal right under HB 25-1013, not a privilege. CDOC cannot restrict it beyond genuine safety and operational necessity. If a visit is canceled, you can file a grievance.

Video visits run through GTL VisitMe at codoc.gtlvisitme.com at $0.40 per minute with a maximum of 10 minutes per session. Visitors must be on the approved list and must schedule in advance.

For in-person visits: check the current visiting policies and rules at cdoc.colorado.gov, including Administrative Regulation 300-01. The policy has been revised to reflect HB 25-1013. Confirm the schedule at the specific facility before making the drive. Cancellations for legitimate operational or safety reasons still happen.

Buena Vista, Sterling, Limon, Canon City -- know the drive time before you commit. For some families it is ninety minutes. For others it is half a day. Plan for it.

The Practical Layer: What Needs to Happen

When a partner is incarcerated in Colorado, the practical tasks land on the person outside.

**Power of attorney.** Any legal or financial matter that requires his signature needs power of attorney executed from inside. Most Colorado facilities have notary services. LawDepot offers templates. Do this early.

**Colorado is not a community property state.** Colorado is an equitable distribution state, which means marital property is divided fairly but not necessarily equally upon dissolution. This matters if significant financial decisions are made during the sentence.

**Joint finances.** Address shared accounts now. Joint debts continue. Understand what you are legally responsible for.

**Benefits.** SNAP, Medicaid, childcare assistance through CDHS, utility assistance. Colorado's support infrastructure is more developed than some states in this series. Use what exists.

**The grievance process under HB 25-1013.** If a visit is denied or canceled and you believe it was not justified by legitimate safety or operational reasons, you now have a formal grievance process available. Know that this right exists.

None of this is the romantic part of the relationship. All of it is the relationship.

For the Partner Inside: What You Cannot See

This section is for him.

She drove two hours to see you. She cleared her Saturday, arranged the kids, found something to wear that meets the dress code, and made the drive. When the visit is short because of a scheduling problem, or when the atmosphere in the room is difficult, or when the conversation goes sideways -- that costs her something she did not have extra to spend.

The call costs her money too, even at FCC caps, over time. The commissary request is real and she is not withholding because she does not love you. She is managing a Colorado household on less than she had before and the math is real.

The best thing you can do from inside is make the calls about connection and not logistics. Ask about her week before you ask about your books. Let the time be about the relationship and not the transaction. The commissary will get handled. The relationship requires attention that costs nothing except intention.

When He Gets Out: The Part Nobody Wants to Say

The girlfriend who came to visits with plans and hope is usually gone within the first month after release. Not because she is a bad person. Because she was in a relationship with a version of him that had not been tested by ordinary Colorado life -- the Denver rent, the job search with a record, the adjustment of being out after a period of institutionalization. The relationship that was built on visits and phone calls and future-talk does not have enough structure under it when Tuesday arrives. Most do not survive.

The woman who managed the Colorado household alone -- who drove to Canon City or Sterling or Limon, who paid the phone bill, who stayed when staying required more than it gave back -- she already knows who he is under pressure. She has no illusions left about what the sentence cost. That absence of illusion is what makes rebuilding possible.

Reentry in Colorado is hard. Denver's housing market is expensive. Employment for people with felony records is limited. Supervision conditions are real constraints. He has been institutionalized in ways neither of you fully understands until you are living in the same space again. She has been independent in ways neither of you fully understands until there are two adults in that space.

The girlfriend is hoping for the relationship she imagined. The woman who wrote through thick and thin is working with the one that actually exists.

FAQ

**Did Colorado make prison visits a legal right?** Yes. House Bill 25-1013, signed into law in 2025, changed visiting from a privilege that could be revoked as punishment to a legal right. CDOC can still limit visitation for genuine safety, security, and operational reasons and for court orders related to victim safety, but cannot use it as a disciplinary tool. Incarcerated people and their families can file a grievance if visits are denied without legitimate justification.

**What was the situation before HB 25-1013?** Under the previous policy, CDOC could approve, deny, suspend, or revoke social visiting at the discretion of a facility head. Women traveled hours, spent significant money on travel and accommodations, and were turned away at the door or told within 24 hours of cancellation. The $1,700 wasted trip to Buena Vista was one of the stories that helped move the legislation.

**What are the visiting rules in Colorado?** Contact visits are available at most CDOC facilities. A short embrace and brief closed mouth kiss are permitted at the beginning and end of each visit. Holding hands is permitted during visits. Video visits run through GTL VisitMe at codoc.gtlvisitme.com at $0.40/minute, maximum 10 minutes per session. Check current policies at cdoc.colorado.gov.

**Does Colorado have conjugal visits?** No. Colorado does not have conjugal visits. Contact visits within CDOC visiting rules are available.

**Should I stay with someone who is incarcerated in Colorado?** That is a decision only you can make. The relationships that survive Colorado sentences tend to be ones where both people were honest about what the sentence was costing -- not just him but her. If the relationship was real before, it can survive. If it was already struggling, the sentence will clarify that.

**Is it normal to think about leaving?** Yes. Almost every woman in this situation thinks about it at some point. The thought does not mean the relationship is over. It means you are carrying a heavy load and you are honest with yourself about it. If the thought comes with relief rather than grief, that is worth taking seriously.

**What happens to the relationship when he gets out?** Reentry in Colorado is hard. Denver housing is expensive. Employment for felony records is limited. Relationships built on visits and phone calls and future-talk often do not survive contact with ordinary life. The ones that have the best chance are built on honesty about who both people are under pressure.