Marriage and Relationships During Incarceration in North Dakota

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Internal links (5): North Dakota inmate search, send money, visitation guide (ND DOCR), Staying Connected hub, North Dakota reentry resources

Voice: Formerly-incarcerated experience, not expert advice. Real. No fluff. Honest about doubt.

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Relationships During Incarceration in North Dakota | InmateAid

North Dakota has one of the smallest prison systems in the United States. The state has fewer than 800,000 people -- 4th least populous in the country -- and its adult correctional system consists of a handful of facilities, almost all of them in or near Bismarck. North Dakota State Penitentiary (NDSP), the James River Correctional Center (JRCC) in Jamestown, the Missouri River Correctional Center (MRCC) southwest of Bismarck, the Heart River Correctional Center (HRCC) in Mandan, and the Dakota Women's Correctional Rehabilitation Center (DWCRC) in New England.

New England, North Dakota, is a small town of about 600 people in Hettinger County in the southwest, about 100 miles southwest of Bismarck. DWCRC is there. For women sentenced in North Dakota, the orientation facility is in a small town in the high plains.

For men, orientation begins at NDSP in Bismarck. All men sentenced to the North Dakota DOCR go through NDSP first, for approximately four weeks of orientation. After classification, they are placed at NDSP, at JRCC in Jamestown (90 miles east of Bismarck on I-94), or at MRCC on the southwest edge of Bismarck. This means most North Dakota families are within a manageable drive of the facility where their person is housed -- Bismarck to Fargo is 190 miles on I-94, about two hours.

The system is small. The distances are real but not extraordinary. The challenges of maintaining a relationship through a North Dakota sentence are not primarily about geography -- they are about the same things they are everywhere else.

There are no experts here. We have experience. You measure your situation against ours and decide what is true for you.

The Wife and the Girlfriend Are Not the Same Person

It happens in North Dakota visiting rooms the same way it happens everywhere else -- at NDSP in Bismarck, at JRCC in Jamestown, at MRCC near Bismarck, at HRCC in Mandan.

Some of the men inside are running two tracks. There is the woman who knows the real situation and the woman who knows the version he performs. In North Dakota, where the system is small and the facilities are concentrated, both tracks may be from the same community -- Bismarck, Mandan, Fargo, Minot -- and may know each other's business in ways that a large anonymous state would not allow.

The one who knows the real situation is talking about the now. She is managing a North Dakota household -- in Fargo, in Bismarck, in Grand Forks, in Minot, in one of the smaller cities or the rural communities -- and she is doing it without another adult. North Dakota winters are among the most severe in the country. The cold starts in October and does not end until April. She is doing it alone.

The other one is talking about the future. She is holding onto a version of the relationship that has not been tested by ordinary North Dakota life -- by the winters and the isolation and the prairie distances and the economics of a state where the oil economy has its own boom-and-bust rhythm.

He treats them differently. With the one who knows everything he is more transactional, more likely to bring up what he needs before asking how she is. With the other one he is more careful, still performing.

Some women reading this are the one who knows everything. Some are the other one. Some are finding out right now which one they are.

If you are not sure: does he know what is actually happening in your week, or does he only know what he needs from it? Are you the person he calls when something is good, or only when something is needed? Have you ever met anyone in his life who knew about you?

The answers are not comfortable. But they are information.

The Commissary Conversation

The phone call in North Dakota goes through Securus Technologies at NDSP and other DOCR facilities. Before he can call, a Telephone Application must be completed -- submitted by him, with information about who he wants to add to his calling list. After two initial five-minute calls upon arriving at orientation at NDSP, all following calls must be paid for. Calling hours are 7:30am to 7:00pm. No voice messages; DOCR staff will not take messages to pass along.

Money transfers through JPay Mobile App, JPay.com, phone 800-574-5729, MoneyGram (receive code 1304), or money orders.

He is dependent. He cannot buy his own hygiene products or extra food or make his own calls without trust account funds. That dependency produces need that comes through the Securus call as asking and sometimes as pressure.

You are managing a North Dakota household. Fargo and Bismarck have their own cost pressures. The smaller cities and rural communities have limited economic opportunities. The oil patch in western North Dakota has a boom-bust economy that affects the whole state. Whatever the local reality, the bills do not pause.

Women ask about this on InmateAid's Ask the Inmate section more than almost any other relationship question. Whether he is using the Securus account she funds to call other women. Whether the money she sends is going where he says. Whether the need is about love or about logistics. The wondering sits underneath every call and does not go away until someone names it out loud.

Set a sustainable monthly number. Communicate it. Hold it. Consistency matters more than any single large deposit.

What She Is Carrying That He Cannot See

When he went in, she absorbed everything he used to do. Every decision. Every bill. Every school meeting and sick kid and broken furnace in January and form that needs a signature. Every night the house is quiet in a way that is not peace. In North Dakota, a broken furnace in January is not a metaphor.

North Dakota's communities are small and the social fabric is tight. In Fargo or Bismarck, there is some degree of urban anonymity. In the smaller cities and the rural communities, there is almost none. The news travels immediately. Some people disappear when it does. Family members who had reservations feel confirmed. What is left is her, managing children who are watching her to understand how they are supposed to feel about all of this.

Most North Dakota families are within 2-3 hours of a DOCR facility. For a family in Fargo with a partner at NDSP in Bismarck, it is 190 miles west on I-94 -- about two hours in good conditions. In a North Dakota February blizzard on I-94, the drive is something else entirely. The road that is two hours in October is closed or dangerous in February.

The person inside experiences deprivation. What he often cannot see is that she is deprived too -- not of freedom but of partnership, of another adult, of someone to hand the weight to at the end of the day. The resentment that grows from that gap is real. It is not a sign the relationship is wrong. It is a sign both of them are under a pressure most couples never face.

The Vending Machine and the Clear Plastic Bag

This is a small thing and it is also not small.

When she visits at JRCC in Jamestown or MRCC near Bismarck, she is permitted to bring up to $20 in one-dollar bills and quarters to use the vending machines in the visiting room. The money must be in a clear plastic bag. She is responsible for providing her own plastic bag. The money has to be in one-dollar bills and quarters only -- not fives, not tens.

This specificity -- the clear plastic bag, the denominations, the ceiling of $20 -- is a detail that matters when you are there. The visiting room vending machine is the commissary substitute, the treat that visiting day allows, the small material thing she can provide that signals something beyond the practical. Getting it right matters.

She will bring the bag. She will get the singles. She will bring quarters. She will bring her own bag.

This is what showing up looks like in North Dakota.

The Doubt Is Normal

At some point, most women in this situation think about leaving.

Maybe it was the Securus call that turned into a discussion about commissary. Maybe it was the Fargo to Bismarck drive on I-94 in February when the wind chill was minus forty and the road conditions were uncertain and she was doing it alone. Maybe it was the small community where everyone knows everything and some people said things. Maybe it was just a North Dakota March.

The thought is not betrayal. It is what happens when a person carries more than they were built to carry alone.

Some women leave. Some should. The sentence can reveal things about the relationship that were already true. Leaving is not failure.

Some women stay and build something. Not the relationship they had before. Something different. Something tested in a way most couples never are. The ones who build something stopped pretending and had the real conversations.

We are not going to tell you to stay or go. We will tell you that the doubt is not proof the relationship is wrong. It is proof that you are paying attention.

The Social Isolation Nobody Warns You About

North Dakota's communities are small and the upper midwestern culture tends toward privacy and self-reliance. When the news is bad, people may not know what to say rather than choosing not to say anything -- but the effect is the same. The social world adjusts in ways that can leave her managing alone in a community that technically knows what is happening but does not know how to show up for it.

In North Dakota's small cities and rural communities, there is not much infrastructure for families of incarcerated people. The DOCR's constituent services and the dac website are the primary resources. If you can find one person who can hold your reality without judgment, find them and let them in.

The DOCR website at docr.nd.gov has family-facing information including the visiting page and telephone application details.

Visiting in North Dakota: Facilities and Hours

North Dakota does not have conjugal visits. No private time at any DOCR facility.

**All men sentenced to NDDOCR** go through orientation at NDSP in Bismarck first, approximately four weeks. After classification, placed at NDSP, JRCC, or MRCC. **All women** go through orientation at DWCRC in New England.

**Visiting hours (Central Time):**

- North Dakota State Penitentiary (NDSP): 8:00am-8:00pm

- James River Correctional Center (JRCC): 8:00am-8:30pm

- Missouri River Correctional Center (MRCC): 8:00am-10:30pm

**General visiting rules:**

- All visitors require FBI criminal background check via visitor application

- Photo ID required for visitors 16 and older. Under 18 must be accompanied by parent/legal guardian

- Metal detector clearance required; failure to clear is grounds for denial

- No wireless electronic devices on facility grounds (class C felony under ND Century Code Section 12-47-21)

- Vending machines available: bring up to $20 in one-dollar bills and quarters only, in a clear plastic bag (bring your own bag)

- Infant items (pacifier, 2 diapers, 2 baby bottles, 1 small jar sealed baby food, Ziploc of baby wipes, small baby blanket) permitted; formula must be pre-mixed liquid, not powder

- Photos can be taken in the visiting room; cost charged to resident's account (resident schedules the photo)

- Vehicle keys may be kept at front gate; all other items locked in vehicle

**Facilities:**

- NDSP: 3100 Railroad Ave, PO Box 5521, Bismarck, ND 58506-5521; 701-328-6100

- JRCC: Jamestown, ND (on grounds of State Hospital; ~90 miles east of Bismarck)

- MRCC: 1800 48th Ave SW, Bismarck, ND; ~4 miles southwest of Bismarck

- HRCC: Mandan, ND (just west of Bismarck, across Missouri River); women, minimum security

- DWCRC: New England, ND (southwest ND, ~100 miles SW of Bismarck); women's orientation

- DOCR HQ: 3100 Railroad Ave, PO Box 1898, Bismarck, ND 58502-1898; 701-328-6390; docr.nd.gov

The Practical Layer: What Needs to Happen

When a partner is incarcerated in North Dakota, the practical tasks land on the person outside.

**Power of attorney.** Any legal or financial matter requiring his signature needs power of attorney. NDSP and other DOCR facilities have notary services. LawDepot offers templates. Do this early.

**North Dakota marital property.** North Dakota is an equitable distribution state, not community property. Marital assets divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Understand what you are jointly responsible for.

**Joint finances.** Address shared accounts now. Joint debts continue.

**Benefits.** SNAP, North Dakota Medicaid (Healthy Steps/Medicaid), childcare assistance through CCAP, energy assistance through LIHEAP. North Dakota winters make heating assistance worth applying for.

**Telephone Application.** He submits the application with your information. The application can be submitted electronically online or as a fillable PDF mailed to Securus. Until your number is approved and on his list, calls cannot connect to you.

**Money transfers.** JPay Mobile App, JPay.com, 800-574-5729, MoneyGram (receive code 1304), or money orders. Have the resident's name and ID number ready.

**The visiting bag.** Before any visit: get one-dollar bills and quarters. Get a clear plastic bag. $20 maximum. Bring your own bag. This is the system.

**February.** If you are planning a winter visit from Fargo or another eastern city to NDSP in Bismarck: check road conditions on I-94 before you leave. The North Dakota DOT road reports at 511.nd.gov update frequently. A two-hour drive in October can be a five-hour drive -- or an impossible one -- in February.

None of this is the romantic part of the relationship. All of it is the relationship.

For the Partner Inside: What You Cannot See

This section is for him.

She submitted the visitor application. She went through the FBI background check. She drove to Bismarck or Jamestown on a day she had to arrange childcare for, in weather that North Dakota does not apologize for. She brought one-dollar bills and quarters in a clear plastic bag. That is what showing up costs.

The Securus call has a window of 7:30am to 7:00pm. Use the time for connection rather than logistics. Ask about her week before asking about the books. Let the call be about the relationship and not the transaction.

And submit the telephone application. Put the right numbers on it. Be honest about whose numbers are there.

When He Gets Out: The Part Nobody Wants to Say

The girlfriend who held onto the idea of him -- who drove to Bismarck on the good weather weekends and filled the Securus calls with future-talk and hope -- is usually gone within the first month after release. The adjustment to ordinary North Dakota life, the job search with a record in a state with specific economic pressures, the way he is different from what she remembered -- it is harder than the visits suggested. Most of those relationships do not survive contact with Tuesday.

The woman who managed the North Dakota household alone -- who drove I-94 in February and brought the clear plastic bag and came back and came back again, who told the truth about the money and stayed when staying was the hardest thing -- she already knows who he is under pressure. She has no illusions left. That absence of illusion is what makes rebuilding possible.

Reentry in North Dakota is hard. The oil patch economy creates boom-bust cycles that make employment unpredictable. Fargo and Bismarck have more opportunity but felony records constrain options. Supervision conditions under parole are real constraints.

The girlfriend is hoping for the relationship she imagined. The woman who wrote through thick and thin is working with the one that actually exists.

FAQ

**How many correctional facilities does North Dakota have?** A small number. Adult men process through NDSP in Bismarck for orientation, then are placed at NDSP, James River Correctional Center (Jamestown), or Missouri River Correctional Center (southwest Bismarck). Women go through DWCRC in New England for orientation; minimum security women may go to Heart River Correctional Center in Mandan. All facilities are within about 100 miles of Bismarck.

**What can I bring to a North Dakota prison visit?** Up to $20 in one-dollar bills and quarters only, in a clear plastic bag (you provide your own bag) for vending machines. Infant items per facility rules. No cell phones or wireless devices on property (class C felony). No other items -- everything else stays in your locked vehicle. Vehicle keys can be kept at the front gate.

**Does North Dakota have conjugal visits?** No. North Dakota does not have conjugal visits at any DOCR facility.

**How do phone calls work in North Dakota?** Securus Technologies provides phone service. He submits a Telephone Application (electronic or paper) to add numbers to his calling list. Two initial five-minute calls upon arrival at NDSP orientation. After that, calls are paid by resident or approved caller. Calling hours 7:30am-7:00pm. No voice messages. Money transfers via JPay (jpay.com, 800-574-5729), MoneyGram (receive code 1304), or money orders.

**Is it safe to drive to Bismarck from Fargo in winter?** I-94 between Fargo and Bismarck is one of the more treacherous winter stretches in the upper Midwest. Check the North Dakota DOT road report at 511.nd.gov before leaving. Blizzard conditions, wind chill, and whiteouts are real hazards on the open prairie. Do not attempt a marginal winter drive alone.

**Is it normal to think about leaving?** Yes. Almost every woman in this situation thinks about it at some point. The thought does not mean the relationship is over. It means you are carrying a heavy load and you are honest with yourself about it. If the thought comes with relief rather than grief, that is worth taking seriously.

**What happens to the relationship when he gets out?** Reentry in North Dakota is hard. The oil patch economy is boom-bust and unpredictable. Felony records constrain employment options. Supervision conditions under parole are real. Relationships built on calls and visits and future-talk often do not survive contact with ordinary life. The ones that have the best chance are built on honesty about who both people are under pressure.

[SPEC NOTE: Folder 16R8MTFxsOtqCIV4-WZb9Ys4mX8tc7YRR. Internal CTAs: North Dakota inmate search, send money, visitation guide ND DOCR, Staying Connected hub, North Dakota reentry resources. SOURCING: docr.nd.gov/telephone-calls (two initial 5-min calls at NDSP orientation; calls paid after that; Telephone Application required submitted by resident; electronic or fillable PDF; mail to Securus; 7:30am-7:00pm calling hours; no voice messages; DOCR staff will not pass messages; press 6 to block permanently); docr.nd.gov/visitation (all men at NDSP orientation ~4 weeks; women at DWCRC New England; after orientation men placed at NDSP/JRCC/MRCC; NDSP 8am-8pm Central; JRCC 8am-8:30pm Central; MRCC 8am-10:30pm Central; vending machines at JRCC and MRCC $20 one-dollar bills and quarters only clear plastic bag bring own bag; infant items permitted pacifier/2 diapers/2 baby bottles/1 small jar sealed baby food/Ziploc wipes/small blanket/formula pre-mixed liquid not powder; photos in visiting room charged to resident account resident schedules; vehicle keys at front gate all other items locked vehicle; FBI criminal background check; photo ID required 16+ under 18 accompanied by parent/legal guardian; metal detector required; wireless device class C felony ND Century Code 12-47-21); docr.nd.gov/adult-facilities (NDSP 3100 Railroad Ave PO Box 5521 Bismarck ND 58506-5521 established 1885 max to min men; JRCC Jamestown opened 1998 State Hospital grounds medium to min men; MRCC 1800 48th Ave SW Bismarck 4 miles SW established 1940s State Farm min low and community men; HRCC Mandan established 2021 min women; DWCRC New England ND women orientation); docr.nd.gov/facilityoffice-locations (DOCR HQ 3100 Railroad Ave PO Box 1898 Bismarck ND 58502-1898; 701-328-6390 fax 701-328-6651; NDSP 701-328-6100 701-328-6161); inmateaid.com NDSP (Securus Tech phone; JPay for money; 3100 Railroad Ave PO Box 5521 Bismarck ND 58501); Wikipedia DOCR (Dave Krabbenhoft Director; ~700 employees; 14 field offices for parole); dochub.com ND Securus (JPay Mobile App; jpay.com; 800-574-5729; MoneyGram receive code 1304; money orders); no conjugal visits North Dakota (to verify); North Dakota equitable distribution not community property; docr.nd.gov. NOTE for Poorwa: verify no conjugal visits North Dakota per docr.nd.gov; verify NDSP Securus still phone provider; verify JPay still deposit method or transitioned; verify MoneyGram receive code 1304 current; verify NDSP 8am-8pm JRCC 8am-8:30pm MRCC 8am-10:30pm visiting hours current; verify vending machine $20 one-dollar bills/quarters clear plastic bag rule current at JRCC and MRCC; verify DWCRC New England ND women orientation current; verify HRCC Mandan women current; verify visitor age/ID rules current; verify FBI background check still required for visitor application; verify DOCR HQ 701-328-6390 current; verify NDSP 701-328-6100 current; verify North Dakota equitable distribution; verify Dave Krabbenhoft still Director; len/character check before publish.]