Marriage and Relationships During Incarceration in Wisconsin

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Internal links (5): Wisconsin inmate search, send money, visitation guide (WI DOC), Staying Connected hub, Wisconsin reentry resources

Voice: Formerly-incarcerated experience, not expert advice. Real. No fluff. Honest about doubt.

META BLOCK:

Relationships During Incarceration in Wisconsin | InmateAid

Wisconsin gives each person in its care one free video visit per week. This is not pay-per-visit. The one visit per week is included. Additional sessions are available at $2.50 for 25 minutes. Through ICSolutions / The Visitor software. Scheduling available at all Wisconsin DOC facilities.

Wisconsin DOC uses the language "Person in Our Care" (PIOC) and "Resident" rather than inmate in much of its official communication. It is a language choice that reflects something about how Wisconsin frames the relationship between the correctional system and the people inside.

For the phone call: Wisconsin state administrative code (DOC 309.39) guarantees each incarcerated person a minimum of one phone call per month, with the note that "where resources permit, more than one telephone call may be allowed and is encouraged." ICS Corrections provides phone service statewide. GettingOut.com for messages, photos, eCards, and video visits. eCards cost $0.15 through the GettingOut app.

For visiting: the inmate initiates the process. He obtains form DOC-21AA Visitor Questionnaire and mails it to the prospective visitor. The visitor completes it and returns it to the institution. If approved, the inmate is notified. This is the same inmate-initiated process as South Carolina -- she cannot start the application herself.

Wisconsin also has a provision specific to its communities: Amish visitors who do not have photo identification as a matter of their religious practice must provide the facility with a signed and notarized affidavit from their bishop, including the physical description of each proposed visitor. This is the only state in this series with a named religious accommodation in its visiting rules.

Wisconsin does not have conjugal visits. No private time at any WIDOC facility.

There are no experts here. We have experience. You measure your situation against ours and decide what is true for you.

The Wife and the Girlfriend Are Not the Same Person

It happens in Wisconsin visiting rooms the same way it happens everywhere else -- at Waupun Correctional Institution (opened 1851, one of the oldest continuously operating prisons in the country), at Green Bay Correctional Institution, at Kettle Moraine in Plymouth, at Taycheedah Correctional Institution in Fond du Lac County for women, at Sanger B. Powers Correctional Center in Oneida in far northern Wisconsin, at the other WIDOC facilities distributed across the state.

Some of the men inside are running two tracks. There is the woman who knows the real situation and the woman who knows the version he performs. The DOC-21AA process is inmate-initiated -- he decides whose forms he mails out. The free video visit per week is available to both tracks at no cost. One free visit per week at zero dollars requires nothing from him to maintain two tracks simultaneously.

The one who knows the real situation is talking about the now. She is managing a Wisconsin household -- in Milwaukee, in Madison, in Green Bay, in Racine, in one of the smaller cities or the rural communities of a large and varied state -- and she is doing it without another adult. Wisconsin's economy varies: the Milwaukee metro with its industrial history, Madison's government and university economy, the agricultural communities of the west and north. She has this week and what this week costs.

The other one is talking about the future. She is holding onto a version of the relationship that has not been tested by ordinary Wisconsin life.

He treats them differently. With the one who knows everything he is more transactional, more likely to bring up what he needs before asking how she is. With the other one he is more careful, still performing.

Some women reading this are the one who knows everything. Some are the other one. Some are finding out right now which one they are.

If you are not sure: does he know what is actually happening in your week, or does he only know what he needs from it? Are you the person he calls when something is good, or only when something is needed? Have you ever met anyone in his life who knew about you?

The answers are not comfortable. But they are information.

The Commissary Conversation

The phone call in Wisconsin goes through ICS Corrections. GettingOut.com for messages, photos, video visits. eCards available through GettingOut app at $0.15 each. Wisconsin state administrative code guarantees a minimum of one phone call per month; more are available where resources permit. All calls monitored and recorded except attorney calls.

He is dependent. He cannot buy his own hygiene products or extra food without trust account funds. That dependency produces need that comes through the call as asking and sometimes as pressure.

You are managing a Wisconsin household. Milwaukee is expensive by Midwest standards. Madison has risen sharply in cost. Green Bay and the Fox Cities have their own pressures. The rural and agricultural communities have different but real economic constraints. Whatever the local reality, the bills do not pause.

Women ask about this on InmateAid's Ask the Inmate section more than almost any other relationship question. Whether the ICS account she funds is being used to call other women. Whether the free video visit per week is being used for the relationship or for managing other contacts at no cost. Whether the money she sends is going where he says.

Set a sustainable monthly number. Communicate it. Hold it. Consistency matters more than any single large deposit.

The Free Video Visit

Wisconsin provides each PIOC one free video visit per week. This is included. No cost to her and no cost to the account to initiate. Additional video visits are available at $2.50 for 25 minutes.

Through ICSolutions / The Visitor software. All WIDOC facilities schedule through ICS. Create an account at GettingOut.com for messages, photos, and video visit scheduling. Some institutions require scheduling at least two business days in advance. Some allow choice of Zoom or in-person during booking.

What one free visit per week means: the visual connection that most states charge for, or require phone-system integration to access, or limit to once a month, is available every week in Wisconsin at no cost. For a family managing a tight budget, this is real. The video visit is not the same as an in-person visit, but it is visual and it is weekly.

What the free video visit does not change: it does not change the fact that she is doing everything alone. It does not resolve the distance if the facility is in far northern Wisconsin and the family is in Milwaukee. It does not guarantee that the 25 minutes are used for honest connection rather than performance. One free visit per week is a resource. How it is used depends on choices the policy cannot make.

Use it for connection. Let the children see his face once a week. Let her say more than what she needs and less than what costs her to say in the physical visiting room.

He Initiates the Form

In Wisconsin, the visiting application process is inmate-initiated. The DOC-21AA Visitor Questionnaire is obtained by the inmate and mailed to the prospective visitor. The visitor completes the form and returns it to the institution. If approved, the inmate is notified.

She cannot initiate the process. The application does not begin until he sends the form.

This is one of the things in this series that is about more than logistics. The people whose forms he mailed are a list he made of who he wants in the visiting room. The people whose forms he did not mail are also information.

There is a specific note on the form for Amish visitors: if a proposed visitor does not possess photo identification as a requirement of their religion, they must provide the facility with a signed and notarized affidavit from their bishop, including the physical description of each proposed visitor. Wisconsin has significant Amish communities, particularly in the central and western parts of the state. This accommodation is named in the WIDOC visiting rules because it is needed.

If denied, the written notice specifies the grounds. If approved, the inmate is notified and it is his responsibility to inform the visitor.

One practical rule specific to Wisconsin: if a visitor arrives and is denied entry, they must leave facility property immediately. Waiting in vehicles or parking lots after denial is not permitted.

What She Is Carrying That He Cannot See

When he went in, she absorbed everything he used to do. Every decision. Every bill. Every school meeting and sick kid and broken furnace in a Wisconsin January and form that needs a signature. Every night the house is quiet in a way that is not peace.

Wisconsin's communities range from Milwaukee's dense urban neighborhoods to the agricultural communities of the west to the north woods and lake country of Vilas County and the surrounding region. In each of these places, the social world changes when the news is bad. Some people disappear. Family members who had reservations feel confirmed. What is left is her, managing children who are watching her to understand how they are supposed to feel about all of this.

Sanger B. Powers Correctional Center is in Oneida, Vilas County -- in far northern Wisconsin in the lake country near the Michigan border, about 200 miles north of Milwaukee. For families in Milwaukee with a partner at SBPCC: 3-4 hours north through central Wisconsin. The weekly free video visit matters more when the physical visit is that far.

The person inside experiences deprivation. What he often cannot see is that she is deprived too -- not of freedom but of partnership, of another adult, of someone to hand the weight to at the end of the day. The resentment that grows from that gap is real. It is not a sign the relationship is wrong. It is a sign both of them are under a pressure most couples never face.

The Doubt Is Normal

At some point, most women in this situation think about leaving.

Maybe it was the ICS call that turned into a fight about commissary. Maybe it was submitting the DOC-21AA only to receive a written denial and not knowing who else had received an approval. Maybe it was a Wisconsin January when the temperature dropped to minus twenty in the Fox Cities and the car would not start and there was nobody to call. Maybe it was realizing the one free video visit per week was being used for performance rather than connection.

The thought is not betrayal. It is what happens when a person carries more than they were built to carry alone.

Some women leave. Some should. The sentence can reveal things about the relationship that were already true. Leaving is not failure.

Some women stay and build something. Not the relationship they had before. Something different. Something tested in a way most couples never are. The ones who build something stopped pretending and had the real conversations.

We are not going to tell you to stay or go. We will tell you that the doubt is not proof the relationship is wrong. It is proof that you are paying attention.

The Social Isolation Nobody Warns You About

Wisconsin's communities vary from Milwaukee's urban density to the smaller cities and the agricultural and north woods communities of the rest of the state. In Milwaukee, there is some anonymity. In Green Bay, in Oshkosh, in the smaller communities, less. When the news is bad, some people disappear. Some offer opinions.

Wisconsin has legal aid organizations including Legal Action of Wisconsin (Milwaukee area) and Wisconsin Judicare (northern Wisconsin). Community Advocates in Milwaukee provides services to families affected by incarceration. The Wisconsin DOC family resources are at doc.wi.gov. If you can find one person who can hold your reality without judgment, find them and let them in.

Visiting in Wisconsin: DOC-21AA, Free Video Weekly, Amish Provision, Leave if Denied

Wisconsin does not have conjugal visits. No private time at any WIDOC facility.

**Application process (inmate-initiated):**

- He obtains and mails DOC-21AA Visitor Questionnaire to prospective visitor.

- Visitor completes and returns to the institution for processing.

- If approved, inmate is notified and informs visitor.

- Minor visitors: non-incarcerated parent or legal guardian consent required, documented on DOC-21AA; under 18 must be accompanied by an adult during visitation.

- Amish visitors without photo ID: signed and notarized affidavit from bishop, including physical description of each proposed visitor.

- Denial: written notice specifying grounds.

**In-person visiting:**

- Visiting days/hours and limits vary by facility. Site-specific information on each facility's webpage at doc.wi.gov.

- Some facilities have both indoor and outdoor visiting areas (outdoor available at appropriate times of year).

- Some require scheduling at least two business days in advance.

- If denied entry or visitation: must leave facility property immediately. Waiting in vehicles or parking lots not permitted.

**Metal detector:**

- Denied entry if unable to clear within three attempts.

- Avoid metal jewelry, buckles, snaps, bib overalls, wire undergarments.

- Medical appliance accommodation: DOC-2424 form.

**Video visits:**

- One free video visit per week included for all PIOC.

- Additional visits: $2.50 for 25 minutes.

- Through ICSolutions / The Visitor. Schedule at all WIDOC facilities through ICS account.

- Create GettingOut.com account for scheduling, messages, and photos.

**Phone and electronic services:**

- ICS Corrections phone service. Minimum one call per month guaranteed by state administrative code (DOC 309.39). More where resources permit.

- GettingOut.com for messages, photos, eCards ($0.15 each through GettingOut app), video visits.

- ICS tablets deployed at WIDOC facilities statewide.

**Key facilities:**

- Waupun Correctional Institution (WCI, max security men's): Waupun, Dodge County. Opened 1851.

- Green Bay Correctional Institution (GBCI, max security men's): Green Bay, Brown County.

- Kettle Moraine CI (medium men's): W9071 Forest Drive, Plymouth, Sheboygan County.

- Taycheedah CI (TCI, women's): Fond du Lac County.

- Sanger B. Powers CC (SBPCC): Oneida, Vilas County (~200 miles N of Milwaukee).

- Oshkosh CI (OSCI): Oshkosh, Winnebago County.

**WI DOC HQ**: 3099 East Washington Ave, Madison, WI 53707; 608-240-5000; doc.wi.gov.

The Practical Layer: What Needs to Happen

When a partner is incarcerated in Wisconsin, the practical tasks land on the person outside.

**Power of attorney.** Any legal or financial matter requiring his signature needs power of attorney. WIDOC facilities have notary services. LawDepot offers templates. Do this early.

**Wisconsin marital property.** Wisconsin is a community property state (one of the few; the "marital property" system under ch. 766). Assets and debts acquired during marriage are jointly owned as marital property. Understand what you are jointly responsible for.

**Joint finances.** Address shared accounts now. Wisconsin's marital property rules affect both spouses' liability for marital debts.

**Benefits.** SNAP, Wisconsin Medicaid (BadgerCare Plus/Medicaid), childcare assistance through Wisconsin Shares, energy assistance through WHEAP (Wisconsin Home Energy Assistance Program). Use what exists.

**ICS Corrections account.** Account through ICSolutions. Fund for calls. Connect at GettingOut.com for messages, photos, eCards, and video visits.

**The free video visit.** Set up GettingOut.com account now. Do not wait until you need it. The one free visit per week is there. Use it weekly.

**The DOC-21AA.** He sends it. Once you receive it: complete it fully and return it to the institution promptly. Do not delay. Processing takes time and the process does not begin until you return the completed form.

**The facility-specific schedule.** Visiting hours, limits, and scheduling requirements vary by institution. Check the specific facility's page at doc.wi.gov before planning any visit. Some require two business days advance notice.

**The winter drive.** Wisconsin January and February driving can be serious. Check road conditions before driving to any facility, particularly in central and northern Wisconsin. The Wisconsin DOT traveler information at 511wi.gov.

None of this is the romantic part of the relationship. All of it is the relationship.

For the Partner Inside: What You Cannot See

This section is for him.

The DOC-21AA goes out when he sends it. The list of who gets it is a list he made. Be honest about what that list is and why.

The free video visit happens once a week. Use it for the people who matter. Use the 25 minutes to ask about her week before asking about anything he needs. Let the children see his face. The eCard costs $0.15 and takes three minutes. Send one.

And understand what Wisconsin administrative code says about his own call access: a minimum of one phone call per month. That is the floor. The DOC encourages more where resources permit. Use the access for connection.

When He Gets Out: The Part Nobody Wants to Say

The girlfriend who held onto the idea of him -- who took the free weekly video visits and the ICS calls and came to the Wisconsin visiting room and filled the sessions with future-talk and hope -- is usually gone within the first month after release. The adjustment to ordinary Wisconsin life, the job search with a record in Milwaukee or Madison or Green Bay, the way he is different from what she remembered -- it is harder than the weekly visits suggested. Most of those relationships do not survive contact with Tuesday.

The woman who managed the Wisconsin household alone, who drove to Waupun or Oneida and completed the DOC-21AA and came back and came back again, who used the free video visit for honest conversation rather than performance, who told the truth about the money and stayed when staying was the hardest thing -- she already knows who he is under pressure. She has no illusions left. That absence of illusion is what makes rebuilding possible.

Reentry in Wisconsin is hard. Milwaukee's employment market has specific barriers for felony records. The Wisconsin marital property system creates shared liability. Supervision conditions under extended supervision are real constraints. Wisconsin winters do not wait for anyone to get sorted.

The girlfriend is hoping for the relationship she imagined. The woman who wrote through thick and thin is working with the one that actually exists.

FAQ

**Does Wisconsin provide free video visits?** Yes. Each person in Wisconsin DOC care receives one free video visit per week. Additional video visits are available at $2.50 for 25 minutes. Through ICSolutions / The Visitor software at all WIDOC facilities. Create a GettingOut.com account for scheduling.

**How do I apply to visit someone in a Wisconsin prison?** The inmate initiates the process. He obtains form DOC-21AA Visitor Questionnaire and mails it to you. You complete it and return it to the institution. If approved, he is notified and informs you. You cannot initiate this process yourself.

**Does Wisconsin have a special rule for Amish visitors?** Yes. Amish visitors who do not have photo identification as a requirement of their religion must provide the facility with a signed and notarized affidavit from their bishop, including the physical description of each proposed visitor. Wisconsin is the only state in this series with a named religious accommodation in its visiting rules.

**Does Wisconsin have conjugal visits?** No. Wisconsin does not have conjugal visits at any WIDOC facility.

**What happens if I am denied entry to a Wisconsin prison visiting room?** You must leave facility property immediately. Waiting in vehicles or parking lots after a visitation denial is not permitted.

**Is it normal to think about leaving?** Yes. Almost every woman in this situation thinks about it at some point. Wisconsin's free weekly video visit and strong communication infrastructure do not resolve the gap of what she actually needs. The thought does not mean the relationship is over. If the thought comes with relief rather than grief, that is worth taking seriously.

**What happens to the relationship when he gets out?** Reentry in Wisconsin is hard. Employment for felony records is limited. Wisconsin's marital property system creates shared financial liability. Extended supervision is a real constraint. Wisconsin winters require real resources. Relationships built on calls and video visits and future-talk often do not survive contact with ordinary life. The ones that have the best chance are built on honesty about who both people are under pressure.

[SPEC NOTE: Folder 16R8MTFxsOtqCIV4-WZb9Ys4mX8tc7YRR. Internal CTAs: Wisconsin inmate search, send money, visitation guide WI DOC, Staying Connected hub, Wisconsin reentry resources. SOURCING: doc.wi.gov visiting information page (DOC-21AA Visitor Questionnaire inmate obtains and mails to visitor; visitor returns to institution; if approved inmate notified; persons under 18 non-incarcerated parent guardian consent documented on DOC-21AA; accompanied by adult during visit; Amish visitors without photo ID signed and notarized affidavit from bishop including physical description each visitor; denied visitation must leave property immediately no waiting vehicles or parking lots; metal detector three attempts denied if unable; DOC-2424 medical appliance accommodation; DOC committed drug-free facilities prosecution); inmateaid.com WI DOC visitation (vehicles parking grounds verbal non-verbal communication from outside approved visiting area prohibited including speaking waving sounding horns blinking headlights; site-specific visiting information on facility webpages including hours visits per week visitors per visit; Administrative Code Ch 309.08 visitor list; some facilities indoor and outdoor visiting areas); icscorrections.com/facilities/wi_doc_ics.html (ICS Corrections contracted by WIDOC; GettingOut.com account for messages photos eCards video; video visit stations personal communication family friends on approved list; set up account GettingOut.com; eCards $0.15 through GettingOut app; ICS tablets statewide SBPCC GBCI WCI first sites; roll-out at doc.wi.gov Adult Facilities page); doc.wi.gov February 2024 memo (PIOC language; ICS tablets; ATG CorrLinks transitioning; GettingOut.com for messages and photos); thevisitor.icsenforcer.com/WI-DOC (visitation ICSolutions software all WIDOC facilities; scheduling offsite visits all WIDOC sites through ICS account; in-person visits may require scheduling through ICS); wisconsinprisons.org/inmate-visitation/ (one free video visit per week included; additional $2.50 25 minutes; ICSolutions The Visitor; some require 2 business days advance; Zoom or in-person option at booking; DOC-21AA inmate initiates; Adults must submit DOC-21AA present government photo ID follow dress conduct rules); Wisconsin Admin Code DOC 309.39 (encourage communication inmates families friends government courts welfare; minimum one telephone call per month; where resources permit more encouraged; calls collect unless payment approved; all monitored/recorded except attorney; emergency calls critical illness death family member regardless security status); Wisconsin Admin Code DOC 309.42 (spouse parent child in another WI correctional mental health institution permitted calls; prior arrangements through staff; paid from inmate account); Wikipedia Kettle Moraine CI (W9071 Forest Drive Plymouth Sheboygan County WI 53073; medium security; opened 1962 as Wisconsin School for Boys converted adult 1974; 1187 capacity); no conjugal visits Wisconsin (to verify); Wisconsin community property marital property system Chapter 766; WI DOC HQ 3099 East Washington Ave Madison WI 53707 608-240-5000; doc.wi.gov. NOTE for Poorwa: verify no conjugal visits Wisconsin per doc.wi.gov; verify one free video visit per week still current policy; verify $2.50 per 25 minutes additional video visits current; verify ICS Corrections still phone provider for WI DOC; verify GettingOut.com still messages photos eCards video; verify eCards $0.15 still current; verify DOC-21AA still visiting application form and inmate initiates; verify Amish visitor affidavit provision still in visiting rules; verify leave property immediately if denied still current; verify three metal detector attempt rule current; verify minimum one phone call per month still guaranteed DOC 309.39; verify WI DOC HQ 608-240-5000 current; verify Wisconsin marital property community property system ch 766; verify Kevin Carr still WI DOC Secretary; len/character check before publish.]