Relationship Issues — Ask the Inmate
Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
Related InmateAid Services
Condoms are not on the Commissary List. But, condoms are somehow smuggled in and are available for purchase, but we have no idea what they might cost.
Read moreSend it to them and see what happens. Doing nothing will yield... nothing
Read moreThe only way to find out is by asking your fiance. The inmate's privacy is protected. There is no disclosing how much money is on their books, how much phone time they've used, who is putting money on their books, who they are talking to, or who are visiting.
Read moreIt is true that an inmate may file for divorce if they someone on the outside handling the actual court filing. The petition can be notarized in prison, and then that document must be filed with the family court in your jurisdiction. There is nothing to this that makes it "faster", but if you are sitting in prison, time is not a factor as you have plenty of it.
Read moreAs an inmate, you treated like anyone else. What goes on the outside is the same as the inside. If you treat others with respect, you will, in turn, get respect. If you mouth off, you're gonna get your coconut cracked.
Read moreProbably the hardest part is getting used to the fact that everyone you know on the outside (mostly wife and kids) are living their lives while you are locked up. You have absolutely no control over anything. It feels like you have died and are watching your loved ones live their life and you cannot participate. Your mind plays tricks with you, you lose faith in your relationship, etc.
Read morewrite them a letter, it will get the ball rolling
Read moreJuvenile incarceration puts significant strain on family relationships, and in many cases that strain is both inevitable and by design. The juvenile justice system is built around the idea that the family unit is a core component of rehabilitation, which means the system actively involves family in ways that adult incarceration does not. That involvement can strengthen some relationships while exposing fractures in others. For families where the home environment was stable and supportive before the detention, the separation
Read moreObviously, there are no statistics on the subject, but if it is like the other women's facilities, there are definitely relationships that turn sexual. It is more prevalent when the sentences are lengthy. Women with long sentences will look for a partner to ride their bid out with. If they have partners, than the sex would be often but it can't happen in the "light of day" as it is against the rules. And, this is not limited to women
Read moreThis is not going to be easy on either of you. He is thinking you are seeing other people because he can't see what you are doing. The mind plays tricks and you feel desperate. Connecting, communicating, visiting, talking on the phone, writing... it's all you can do. Do as much as you can and hope for the best. You might do everything right, never run around and he still might not come around. Good luck!
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