Relationship Issues — Ask the Inmate
Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
Related InmateAid Services
Conjugal visits are rare these days and there are still a few state prisons that have them. Currently, only California, Connecticut, Mississippi, New Mexico, New York, and Washington allow conjugal visits.
Read moreAll you can do is continue writing letters. Some inmates, especially newly incarcerated ones are affected by the harsh disconnection from society. They might be "in their feelings" and are not ready to communicate with people on the outside just yet. If you are persistent, the letters will eventually make an impact and she will eventually respond.
Read moreNo, an inmate's privacy is protected like anyone on the outside would be.
Read moreThis question gets asked a lot. The issue at hand is that the privacy of an inmate is the same for people on the outside. The ONLY way to find out who is visiting them or who they are calling is to ask the inmate themselves. The BOP or any state DOC will not offer that information to anyone without the permission of the inmate
Read moreYes, it is excruciating - almost like dying and watching your family go on without you. Your mind plays tricks on you and your self-talk is always questioning whether the wife is faithful. It creates stress, anxiety and fighting on the phone.
Read moreif you suspect that he's talking to someone else, your instincts are usually right. if he is not responding, you should use that as a sign to move on with your life. waiting for someone that isn't interested enough to stay in touch while they're locked up doesn't bode well for a solid future when they get out. this is not easily resolved when there is this type of separation. inmates are good at manipulating their loved ones on the outside
Read moreDo you know what you want to hear to make contacting him worthwhile? He might use this opportunity to make you feel worse. I think there is more to this story, if you want to share, I'll be happy to listen and help where I can.
Read moreno, they are afforded the same privacy protection as someone on the outside. ask them yourself to see what they will tell you
Read moreyou are the only one that he has to convince. you know him better than anyone
Read moresometimes there is a feeling of helplessness. other times t is something else. by pushing you away, they are testing you to see if you'll come back. it is a sort of manipulation that an inmate gets very good at. it's like transferring guilt. you have to try and convince them that you are "ride or die".
Read more