Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
Subject: Relationship issues
Yes, they allow the pictures you describe
Subject: Relationship issues
California law allows for what is called service by publication when a spouse cannot be located. This is the legal mechanism designed for exactly this situation, where the petitioner has made a genuine effort to find the respondent and been unable to.
The process works like this. The inmate files the divorce petition with the Superior Court in the county where they were last living as a couple or where they are currently incarcerated. They then ask the court for permission...
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Sex between women inmates happens, but not as often as you might imagine. It takes two to tango, if you are a lesbian you naturally would seek out other like-minded women as in any other social setting. So, if there is an attraction, there is probably going to be sex between them, eventually. Percentage? I'd say no more than 20%.
Subject: Relationship issues
Yes, and if it were criminal, maybe you should ask someone else (legal) for advice, too
Subject: Relationship issues
First, a little context on what InmateAid actually is. InmateAid is a service that allows people on the outside to send letters, postcards, photos, and magazines to inmates, and allows inmates to write back through the site. It is not a social network, a dating platform, or a way for inmates to reach out to strangers. The inmate himself cannot initiate contact through InmateAid. Someone on the outside has to send something first.
So the more useful question is not whether...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
Yes, there is minimal supervision, the doors do not lock and you are not confined to the indoors, so the possibility exists
Subject: Relationship issues
Lucky guy, if true
Subject: Relationship issues
Yes, I have 6. Here is my assessment: There are some factors on the outside that have to work in your favor for an inmate's relationship with their kids to be "normal". If the spouse with custody of the kids supports the inmate emotionally and familiarly, then the kids see the example set that this will all work out. BUT, if the spouse is filling the kid's head with negative stuff about their significant other, then the setting changes 180...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
Yes, and you should go in with clear eyes about it.
First, stop trying to entertain him around the clock. It is not possible, and more importantly, it is not your job. What is happening right now is a test, whether conscious or not. He is gauging what you will do for him, how far you will stretch, how much guilt you will carry. That dynamic is extremely common when someone is incarcerated, and it does not mean he is a...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
20 years! WOW, you are the "ride or die" girl. Think about the world 20 years ago, cell phones had no texting. The internet had no social media. Technology will shock him. He is going to take some time before things can go back to a normal relationship like before.
Subject: Relationship issues
It adds up faster than most people on the outside expect, and the county jail is one of the most expensive environments an inmate can be in.
Phone calls are almost always the biggest drain. County jail phone rates are notoriously high, and without a discount service in place, calls can run several dollars per minute. It is not hard to burn through hundreds of dollars a week on calls alone. In my first month away, my wife spent over $6,000...
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Even after you put money on the phone, there are several reasons calls might not be coming through.
The most common issue is that your number may not be on his approved call list. Most facilities require inmates to submit a list of approved numbers before any calls can be made. If your number was never added, or was added recently and has not been processed yet, he physically cannot call you regardless of how much money is on the account.
The...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
No. Power of attorney does not give you access to an inmate's phone and messaging records, and neither does paying the bill.
Inmates retain privacy rights over their communications, at least from other civilians. The facility monitors calls and messages as a matter of policy, and that is disclosed to everyone using the system. But that monitoring belongs to the institution, not to you. Being the person funding the account does not change that.
The harder truth here is that if the...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
You cannot control who he calls through the facility's general phone system, but you can control what you pay for. If you fund an InmateAid discount phone number, that number works for calls to you only. He cannot use it to reach anyone else. Whatever he does on the facility's regular system with money from other sources is outside your control, but at least you know your money is not financing it.
Beyond that, the only real leverage you have is...
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