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Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.

Subject: Relationship issues
Without knowing the facts, we do know that inmates are pretty good at explaining things in a way that always make them the victim rather than the problem. You man has gone in more than once, this puts him in the category of someone that doesn't yet get it. Inmates do not get "screwed over" by their loved ones on the outside, more likely the inmate did something to make that jilted person cynical and vindictive because it is them...
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Subject: Relationship issues
The hard truth is this, real change has to come from him. You can support it, encourage it, and help create a better environment, but you cannot make it happen for him. What you can do is set things up in a way that gives him the best chance to succeed. What actually helps someone change: Accountability: He takes responsibility for what got him there, no excuses New environment: Staying away from the same people, places, and habits that led to trouble Structure: Work, programs, or a...
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Subject: Relationship issues
When someone who has always stayed in contact suddenly goes quiet, it is usually not because they do not want to talk. There are a number of common reasons this happens, especially early in a case. Here are the most likely possibilities: Intake or housing changes If he was recently moved, in classification, or placed in a different housing unit, phone access can be limited or temporarily shut off. Phone or account issues Even if money is on the account, there could be: A problem with...
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Subject: Relationship issues
It's hard to give the advice that we want to give versus the advice you want to hear. Inmates that go in and out of jail are not going to be easy to live with. The incarceration process definitely changes a person but the ones that are going to succeed after release are the ones that have made the conscious decision to change their ways, habits and people they associate with. Justin is not in that category yet. If you...
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Subject: Relationship issues
It is not our place to determine whether you are a good girlfriend. You have to be at peace with your decision to stay. If you are going to ride it out until the end with himi, just know there are going to be some rough spots along the way. Be prepared and feel free to write back as often as possible over the coming months if you need questions answered.
Subject: Relationship issues
Writing letters is sort of a lost art these days - it takes effort. If you were our girl, we would want to hear about everything you're doing. We would really want you to send us sexy pictures of yourself and even share sexy talk or sexy stories to keep our spirits high. We are not trying to be creepy, but he probably misses you and thinks about you all the time. Try relationship stuff where you can make him...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Tell him now. This is not a situation where protecting him from a painful truth actually helps him. He has two years ahead of him in which he is going to be making assumptions about what his life looks like when he gets out, where he will live, what he is coming home to. If those assumptions are based on a marriage that no longer exists, the collapse of that picture at release is going to hit much harder than...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Yes, there are documented cases of correctional staff engaging in sexual contact with inmates, and it happens at institutions across the country. Under federal law, specifically the Prison Rape Elimination Act, any sexual contact between staff and an inmate is illegal regardless of whether it appears consensual. An inmate cannot legally consent to sexual contact with a corrections officer because of the inherent power imbalance. The law treats it as a crime on the part of the staff member. When these...
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Subject: Relationship issues
You should follow your instincts. You know him better than most - our advice, "believe what you see with your own eyes, not what you hear as the explanation".
Subject: Relationship issues
You can divorce him while he is incarcerated, and you do not have to be in the same room with him for it to happen. Divorce proceedings do not require the other party to physically appear in court. The papers need to be served to him at his facility, which can be done through the jail or prison's process server or through the mail with proper legal procedure, and from there the court handles the rest. If he does not respond...
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