You have all the control because you "can" walk out. He can't. You showed him that you could and his natural reaction is to try and gain some measure of dignity back by having his mom message you with his show of control. Three years is a long time together, if you want to work things out, you will need to send some love letters which talk about the issue and take some blame and apologize. If you want someone to tell you it's okay to keep loving him, here it is. Just don't play games, he is in some serious doggy do and if you want to ride it out with him, you can't leave him like that ever again. He has to go back to his cell with that vision in his head. Apologize or move on.