Marriage and Relationships During Incarceration in Montana

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Internal links (5): Montana inmate search, send money, visitation guide (MT DOC), Staying Connected hub, Montana reentry resources

Voice: Formerly-incarcerated experience, not expert advice. Real. No fluff. Honest about doubt.

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Relationships During Incarceration in Montana | InmateAid

Montana is the fourth-largest state in the United States by land area. It is bigger than Japan. It contains 147,000 square miles and fewer than 1.1 million people, spread across a landscape of mountains and high plains and river valleys and ranch country that stretches four hours from one side to the other in a car.

Montana State Prison is in Deer Lodge. Powell County, in the Deer Lodge valley, 120 miles west of Helena and 145 miles southeast of Missoula. For a family in Billings -- Montana's largest city, on the eastern side of the state -- the drive to Deer Lodge is about three and a half hours. For a family in Glasgow in northeastern Montana, it is close to five hours. For a family in Havre in north-central Montana, it is four hours through the Highline country and over the Rockies.

Montana Women's Prison is in Billings -- 225 miles east of Deer Lodge, on the other side of the state's mountain backbone. For families in Billings, the women's facility is accessible. For families in Missoula or Kalispell or Whitefish in western Montana, the drive to Billings is four hours on I-90 through the Clark Fork valley and across the Continental Divide.

The distance is not an incidental fact about Montana incarceration. It is the central fact. In a state this large and this sparsely populated, the physical distance between a family and the facility where their person is housed shapes everything about what maintaining contact actually costs.

Montana does not have conjugal visits. Each inmate can receive one visit per week.

There are no experts here. We have experience. You measure your situation against ours and decide what is true for you.

The Wife and the Girlfriend Are Not the Same Person

It happens in Montana visiting rooms the same way it happens everywhere else -- at Montana State Prison in Deer Lodge and at Montana Women's Prison in Billings.

Some of the men inside are running two tracks. There is the woman who knows the real situation and the woman who knows the version he performs. In Montana, one important visiting rule shapes this: a visitor may only be on one inmate's visiting list at a time (with an exception only when both inmates are immediate family members). This rule is about visitors with relatives in multiple facilities -- but it also means the visiting list at MSP is a limited document. There are not infinite slots and the list is verified.

The one who knows the real situation is talking about the now. She is managing a Montana household -- in Billings, in Missoula, in Great Falls, in Helena, in Butte, in one of the smaller towns or the ranch communities -- and she is doing it without another adult. Montana winters are real. The distances between things are real. The nearest large grocery store may be an hour away. The support network may be thin.

The other one is talking about the future. She is holding onto a version of the relationship that has not been tested by ordinary Montana life -- by the isolation and the distances and the six-month winters and the economics of a state where the main industries are agriculture, energy, and tourism.

He treats them differently. With the one who knows everything he is more transactional, more likely to bring up what he needs before asking how she is. With the other one he is more careful, still performing.

Some women reading this are the one who knows everything. Some are the other one. Some are finding out right now which one they are.

If you are not sure: does he know what is actually happening in your week, or does he only know what he needs from it? Are you the person he calls when something is good, or only when something is needed? Have you ever met anyone in his life who knew about you?

The answers are not comfortable. But they are information.

The Tablet, the Invitation, and What Comes First

Montana is one of the few states in this series where every incarcerated person at a DOC-run facility is provided a tablet. The tablet allows phone calls, video visits, text messaging, and photos -- all through ICSolutions' GettingOut platform.

Here is the sequence that matters: all contact through the tablet is initiated by the inmate. He sends an email invitation to the people he wants to connect with. You receive the invitation. You create a GettingOut account. Only then can contact begin through that channel.

You cannot create a GettingOut account on your own and add him. You cannot initiate contact. You wait for the invitation.

If you have not received an invitation, independently contact him by letter or phone first and ask him to add your email address. Once you receive the invitation, you will see a link to GettingOut.com. From there you create the account, accept the contact request, and can begin messaging, video visits, and calls.

One more thing about the tablet: access can be turned off at any time, without warning, for security reasons -- sometimes for hours, sometimes for days. Do not contact the facility to ask when the tablet will be available. They will not tell you. The tablet is a channel, not a guarantee.

Phone calls can also be made from traditional wall unit phones through ICS Corrections (ICSolutions). FCC rate caps apply.

The Commissary Conversation

He is dependent. He cannot buy his own hygiene products or extra food or fund his own tablet calls without trust account funds. That dependency produces need that comes through whatever channel the contact opens -- the tablet message, the phone call -- as asking and sometimes as pressure.

You are managing a Montana household. Montana's economy is real and specific. In ranch communities and smaller cities, economic opportunity is limited. The cost of everything -- heating, gas, groceries -- reflects the reality of living far from distribution centers in a state with long winters. What you have available to send is limited.

Women ask about this on InmateAid's Ask the Inmate section more than almost any other relationship question. Whether he is using the tablet to contact other women. Whether the money she sends is going where he says. Whether the need is about love or about logistics. The wondering sits underneath every tablet message and every phone call and does not go away until someone names it out loud.

Set a sustainable monthly number. Communicate it. Hold it. Consistency matters more than any single large deposit.

What She Is Carrying That He Cannot See

When he went in, she absorbed everything he used to do. Every decision. Every bill. Every school meeting and sick kid and broken water pipe in February and form that needs a signature. Every night the house is quiet in a way that is not peace.

In Montana, the isolation can be acute. If she is in Glasgow or Havre or one of the communities in the hi-line country or the eastern plains, she may be in a community of a few thousand people where everyone knows everything and the news travels immediately. The social world changes when the news is bad. Some people disappear. Some say the wrong thing. Family members who had reservations feel confirmed.

The physical distance compounds everything. A visit to Deer Lodge from Billings is a seven-hour round trip. From Glasgow it is ten hours. She may have children in the car. She may have taken a day off work. She arrives in time for the one visit per week allowed under Montana visiting policy -- up to five visitors on the high security side, three on the lower -- and then drives home.

The person inside experiences deprivation. What he often cannot see is that she is deprived too -- not of freedom but of partnership, of another adult, of someone to hand the weight to at the end of the day. The resentment that grows from that gap is real. It is not a sign the relationship is wrong. It is a sign both of them are under a pressure most couples never face.

The Doubt Is Normal

At some point, most women in this situation think about leaving.

Maybe it was the tablet invitation that never came and she did not know why. Maybe it was the seven-hour round trip to Deer Lodge for a Saturday visit only to find out the visiting room was full and local visitors were being cut to one hour. Maybe it was a Montana February alone, in a ranch community three hours from the nearest city, with everything that February in Montana requires. Maybe it was just a Tuesday.

The thought is not betrayal. It is what happens when a person carries more than they were built to carry alone.

Some women leave. Some should. The sentence can reveal things about the relationship that were already true. Leaving is not failure.

Some women stay and build something. Not the relationship they had before. Something different. Something tested in a way most couples never are. The ones who build something stopped pretending and had the real conversations.

We are not going to tell you to stay or go. We will tell you that the doubt is not proof the relationship is wrong. It is proof that you are paying attention.

The Social Isolation Nobody Warns You About

Montana's small communities are often tight-knit in a way that is both supportive and exposing. When the news is bad, people know. In the smaller ranch communities and the smaller cities -- Havre, Miles City, Sidney, Glendive -- there is almost no anonymity. In Billings and Missoula and Great Falls, there is more. But even there, the support structure for families of incarcerated people is thin.

Montana has legal aid organizations and some reentry support, concentrated in Billings, Missoula, and Helena. The MT DOC family and friends resources are at cor.mt.gov. If you can find one person who can hold your reality without judgment, find them and let them in.

Visiting in Montana: One Visit Per Week, Online Application, Schedule First

Montana does not have conjugal visits. No private time at any Montana DOC facility.

**Montana State Prison (Deer Lodge):**

- Visiting on Saturdays and Sundays.

- Children are only allowed on Saturday visits. Sunday visits are adult-only.

- Must arrive between 2:15pm and 4:50pm.

- When the visiting room is full, local visitors (within 45 minutes of MSP) may have their visit shortened to 1 hour to make room; if still full, visits from further away may be terminated.

- Maximum 5 visitors on high side; 3 on low side. One visit per week.

- Application review: 45-90 days.

- MSP: 400 Conley Lake Road, Deer Lodge, MT 59722; 406-415-6126.

- Schedule visits: Contact visiting at 406-415-6313 at least 2 weeks in advance for SAU D Block.

**Montana Women's Prison (Billings):**

- As of August 1, 2025, all visits must be scheduled online in advance using the ICSolutions scheduling system (icsolutions.com). Anyone arriving without a scheduled visit will be turned away.

- Visiting hours: Tuesday and Friday 7pm-8:30pm; Saturday and Sunday 8:30am-10:30am and 1:30pm-3:30pm.

- No regular visitation on the third Saturday of every month.

- MWP: 701 South 27th Street, Billings, MT 59101; 406-247-5100.

**Online visiting application (both facilities):**

- Create an Okta account first at cor.mt.gov, then complete the online Visitation Application.

- Review takes up to 90 days (usually less).

- A visitor may be on only one inmate's visiting list at a time, unless both inmates are immediate family.

- All visitors subject to criminal background checks.

**Tablet contact (GettingOut):**

- Every inmate at DOC-run facilities receives a tablet.

- All contact initiated by the inmate via email invitation to cor.mt.gov.

- You receive the invitation, create a GettingOut account, and can then message, video visit, and send photos.

- Do NOT create an account before receiving the invitation.

- Tablet access can be turned off at any time without warning. Do not contact the facility about tablet availability.

**Phone:**

- ICS Corrections/ICSolutions for wall unit phone calls. FCC rate caps apply.

**MTDOC HQ:** 5 South Last Chance Gulch, PO Box 201301, Helena, MT 59620-1301; 406-444-3930; cor.mt.gov.

The Practical Layer: What Needs to Happen

When a partner is incarcerated in Montana, the practical tasks land on the person outside.

**Power of attorney.** Any legal or financial matter requiring his signature needs power of attorney. Montana DOC facilities have notary services. LawDepot offers templates. Do this early.

**Montana marital property.** Montana is an equitable distribution state, not community property. Marital assets divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Understand what you are jointly responsible for.

**Joint finances.** Address shared accounts now. Joint debts continue.

**Benefits.** SNAP, Montana Medicaid, LIHEAP for heating assistance. In Montana, heating assistance is not a minor benefit. Apply for it without apology.

**Trip planning.** If you are in eastern Montana and visiting MSP in Deer Lodge, plan the trip like the major commitment it is. Check the visiting schedule before you leave. Confirm the facility is not on lockdown. Arrive between 2:15pm and 4:50pm. If the visiting room is full when you arrive after a long drive, local visitors may be given priority in how visits are shortened.

**GettingOut account.** Wait for his invitation. Do not create an account without it. Once you have it, set up the account and keep the app current.

None of this is the romantic part of the relationship. All of it is the relationship.

For the Partner Inside: What You Cannot See

This section is for him.

She drove four hours across Montana to Deer Lodge. Or she scheduled the ICSolutions visit at MWP from wherever she is. Either way, she planned around the one visit per week the system allows. Make it worth having.

Send the GettingOut invitation. Initiate the contact. Use the tablet for connection and not just logistics. Ask about her week before asking about the trust account. Let the video visit be about being present in it rather than managing it.

And understand clearly what the Montana distances mean to someone managing a household alone. The drive to Deer Lodge from Billings is three and a half hours each way. Seven hours of her Saturday. That is what showing up costs her.

When He Gets Out: The Part Nobody Wants to Say

The girlfriend who held onto the idea of him -- who drove across the Montana plains to visit and filled the one weekly session with future-talk and hope -- is usually gone within the first month after release. The adjustment to ordinary Montana life, the job search with a record in a state with limited urban economic opportunity, the way he is different from what she remembered -- it is harder than the long drives suggested. Most of those relationships do not survive contact with Tuesday.

The woman who managed the Montana household alone, who drove to Deer Lodge or scheduled online at MWP and came back and came back again, who told the truth about the money and stayed when staying was the hardest thing -- she already knows who he is under pressure. She has no illusions left. That absence of illusion is what makes rebuilding possible.

Reentry in Montana is hard. Montana's rural economy offers limited employment pathways for people with felony records. Housing in smaller communities is limited. Supervision conditions are real constraints in a state where the distances between places are themselves a constraint.

The girlfriend is hoping for the relationship she imagined. The woman who wrote through thick and thin is working with the one that actually exists.

FAQ

**How do I set up communication with someone at a Montana DOC facility?** Every inmate at a DOC-run facility has a tablet. All contact is initiated by the inmate -- he sends an email invitation to your address via the GettingOut app. You receive the invitation, create a GettingOut account (do not create one before receiving the invitation), and can then message, video visit, and send photos. For phone calls, ICS Corrections/ICSolutions handles wall unit phones.

**How far is Montana State Prison from major cities?** MSP in Deer Lodge is approximately 120 miles west of Helena, 145 miles southeast of Missoula, and 225 miles west of Billings. From northeastern Montana (Glasgow, Havre), the drive is 4-5 hours.

**What are the visiting hours at MSP?** Saturday and Sunday. Children are permitted on Saturday visits only; Sunday is adult-only. Must arrive between 2:15pm and 4:50pm. One visit per week maximum. Up to 5 visitors on the high security side; 3 on the lower side.

**What changed at Montana Women's Prison in 2025?** As of August 1, 2025, all visits at MWP must be scheduled online in advance using the ICSolutions scheduling system at icsolutions.com. Anyone arriving without a scheduled visit will be turned away. Visiting hours: Tuesday/Friday 7pm-8:30pm; Saturday/Sunday 8:30am-10:30am and 1:30pm-3:30pm. No regular visitation on the third Saturday of each month.

**Can I be on two inmates' visiting lists in Montana?** Only if both inmates are immediate family members. Otherwise, a visitor may be on only one inmate's list at a time.

**Does Montana have conjugal visits?** No. Montana does not have conjugal visits at any state DOC facility.

**What happens to the relationship when he gets out?** Reentry in Montana is hard. Rural economies offer limited pathways for felony records. Housing in small communities is limited. Supervision conditions are real. The distances that defined the sentence do not disappear -- they become part of reentry logistics instead. The relationships that survive are built on honesty about who both people are under pressure.

[SPEC NOTE: Folder 16R8MTFxsOtqCIV4-WZb9Ys4mX8tc7YRR. Internal CTAs: Montana inmate search, send money, visitation guide MT DOC, Staying Connected hub, Montana reentry resources. SOURCING: cor.mt.gov/FriendsandFamily/In-Person-Visitation (DOC provides in-person visitation; must complete online Visitation Application; create Okta account first; review up to 90 days usually less; one visit per week; up to 5 visitors high side 3 visitors low side; schedule rotates every 4 weeks; visitor on only one inmate's list unless both inmates immediate family; Visitor Information Update Form for changes); cor.mt.gov secure facilities page (MSP 400 Conley Lake Road Deer Lodge MT 59722; 406-415-6126; Warden Jim Salmonsen; nearly 1,600 male inmates; 68-acre compound; MWP 701 South 27th St Billings MT 59101; 406-247-5100; Warden Katie Weston; approximately 225 female felony inmates; Pine Hills Miles City); cor.mt.gov MWP memo July 11 2025 (Warden Katie Weston; all MWP visits must be scheduled online August 1 2025 via ICSolutions scheduling system icsolutions.com; anyone arriving without scheduled visit turned away; online scheduling available July 14 2025; Director Brian M. Gootkin; Governor Greg Gianforte); cor.mt.gov/FamilyFriends/InmatePhoneCalls (tablets provided to all inmates at DOC-run facilities; GettingOut app; all communication through tablet initiated by inmate via email invitation; family should not create GettingOut account until invitation received; tablet access can be turned off at any time without warning for security reasons; do not contact facilities about tablet availability; inmates may exchange text messages and receive video messages and photos; calls from tablets or wall unit phones); icscorrections.com (ICS Corrections for Montana DOC; GettingOut.com platform; inmate sends email invitation; family cannot initiate contact; once invitation received create account; debit calling from inmate trust account; wall unit phones also available; prepaid collect available; 800-464-8957 direct bill for attorneys); inmateaid.com Montana MSP visitation (visitors on only one inmate's visiting list at a time unless both immediate family; 45-90 days review; disapproved may appeal to second shift captain within 14 days; approved must notify MSP of name/address changes; when visiting room full local visitors within 45 minutes cut to 1 hour first); prisonpro.com MSP (visiting Sat/Sun; children Saturday only; adult-only Sunday; arrive 2:15pm-4:50pm; LHU-I Friday/Sunday 2:30pm-4:30pm); cor.mt.gov visiting hours (MWP Tuesday/Friday 7pm-8:30pm; Saturday/Sunday 8:30am-10:30am and 1:30pm-3:30pm; no regular visitation third Saturday; MSP schedule at MSP Visitation Schedule PDF; contact 406-415-6313 for SAU D Block 2 weeks notice); MTDOC HQ 5 South Last Chance Gulch PO Box 201301 Helena MT 59620-1301; 406-444-3930; cor.mt.gov; no conjugal visits Montana; Montana equitable distribution not community property. NOTE for Poorwa: verify no conjugal visits Montana per cor.mt.gov; verify tablet GettingOut still platform for Montana DOC; verify ICSolutions still wall phone provider; verify MSP visiting Sat/Sun arrive 2:15pm-4:50pm current; verify children Saturday only adult-only Sunday current; verify 1-visit per week maximum current; verify 5 visitors high side 3 low side current; verify MWP online scheduling August 2025 current; verify MWP Tue/Fri 7pm-8:30pm and Sat/Sun 8:30am-10:30am/1:30pm-3:30pm current; verify no third Saturday MWP visitation current; verify Okta account required for online visitor application current; verify 45-90 day application review current; verify visitor on only one inmate list rule current; verify MTDOC HQ 406-444-3930 current; verify MSP 406-415-6126 current; verify MWP 406-247-5100 current; len/character check; verify meta description 158 chars.]