Relationship Issues — Ask the Inmate
Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
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There must be some hard feelings there. Why did you wait FOUR years? Have you ever attempted to commnicate with him by mail? Letter writing might be the best way for both of you to being an exchange of feelings - about what went wrong between you and how can you fix it.
Read moreYour inmates visitation log is covered by the privacy laws. There is no provision where this information will be disclosed without his consent.
Read moreTwenty years is a long time. The key to communication is trust. Trust is earned over time. We are not suggesting that there isn't any between you; we are saying that you two need time together to learn to trust. When a man is incarcerated for twenty years, he is used to be told what to do, when to do it and there isn't much room for independence and freedom. So, they become introverted and good at keeping their emotions
Read moreInmates need support. If they are not into you anymore, they will pretend they are so you keep sending them money and have someone to talk to. When their bid is over - they feel free and want to have a fresh start.
Read moreWe are former inmates answering these questions. We are not the inmate that you are "speaking to". If you would like to communicate with your inmate like this, click on Letters and Photos and send a sexy picture of yourself and then ask...
Read moreIt is not the easiest thing for an inmate to do unless their spouse files on the outside first. Your inmate would need a lawyer to handle the court filings. For the inmate to do this, he would need to be able to pay for the legal service of filing since he cannot do it for himself. The institution will NOT do this for him, they do not look at this issue seriously.
Read moreReally?? Do you think prison is a dating service? There is zero contact with female inmates by male inmates. Unless they are in a building with windows facing the interior, where they might catch a glimpse of a female inmate, there is no interaction. Inmates do not have access to the internet; there is no inter-communication between inmates online - if they use email (some places have it), it is a closed system with a very strict analytical keyword surveillance.
Read moreThis is a typical behavior of inmates in general. It might be the relationship, or it might just be him - and not that he is seeing or speaking to another woman but oftentimes they get depressed and disconnect from people they love. There is a perception on the inside that the outside world has forgotten us. We would give it a little time, maybe write a letter and address your concerns. He might be feeling helpless and lost, OR
Read moreSome people never really learn. They keep repeating old mistakes and will never change. There are very few cases of someone drinking and driving by the walls of prison.
Read moreThere is no guaranteed answer here. Some relationships come out stronger, others change quickly once release happens. Life on the inside is very different from the outside. While he is incarcerated: You are a major source of support and stability Communication is limited, which can intensify emotions The relationship can feel more focused and controlled After release, everything shifts: He regains freedom and independence Daily stress, work, and real world responsibilities return The
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