What you described, being hit repeatedly while he watched without feeling, is not a relationship that changed. It is the same relationship revealing itself again. The blank stare you saw is important information. Trust it.
People who have spent years in active addiction and who have a history of violence do sometimes genuinely change. But that change shows up in sustained, consistent behavior over time, not in words spoken from a jail cell where someone has nothing but time to work on how they come across. Inside, the only tools available are words and emotion. Inmates who want to keep someone connected become very skilled at using both.
You already know this, which is why you asked the question you asked. You are right that for some people, staying connected to someone who abused them gives that person a continued sense of power and access. That does not mean your love or intentions were wrong. It means the person you directed them toward was not safe, and may still not be.
Playing this at arm's length is genuinely sound advice. You do not owe continued access to someone who hit you while you cried. Protecting yourself is not abandonment. It is the most honest thing you can do for both of you.
If you are working through this and want to talk to someone, the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 is available 24 hours a day and is confidential. You do not have to be in immediate danger to call.
Thank you for trying AMP!
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