Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
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Subject: Relationship issues
You know your guy better than most, use your intuition. If he is a player on the streets he gonna try and be a player from inside, too. Most jail term relationships fall apart when they are released, not while they are in custody. But you already know who he is and that should help you with your decision.
Subject: Relationship issues
Walking into a detention facility with an active warrant is one of the worst decisions a person can make, and it will not end well.
Every visitor to a correctional facility goes through a background check and identity verification before they are admitted. That process flags active warrants. If the girlfriend shows up at the visiting room with an outstanding warrant, she will be detained on the spot. The facility will hold her until the issuing jurisdiction sends someone to pick...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
That is a very good point, but there is another side to it. Inmates that have a job and do actually receive a "pay check", but their pay is miniscule. They make about 12 cents an hour on average. If the phone calls are several dollars each, there are not enough work hours to pay for all of the calls you'd like to get. If you are mad at him and do not want to pay for the calls, you...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
He is probably not done with you. He is just dealing with the fallout of what you told him, and right now that emotion is pointed in your direction because you were the one who delivered the news.
That is a common reaction and it is rarely permanent. When someone hears something painful about a person they care about, the initial response is often to push away whoever broke the news rather than sit with what the news actually means. It...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
There is nothing easy about it, and anyone who tells you otherwise has not lived it from either side.
Separation is painful in a way that is hard to describe to someone who has not experienced it. The uncertainty, the financial pressure, the social stigma, the loneliness of holidays and milestones passing without the person you love present, all of it accumulates. Time does help, but it does not make the weight disappear.
What does help is staying connected in whatever ways...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
You want to change who your inmate may call? That will NEVER happen. You cannot control the inmate's call list, visitation list or how they spend the money they have on their books. Inmates have privacy rights, too. If you do not want an inmate to contact you, you can call the facility and speak to a counselor or case manager - they will see to it that you are not disturbed.
Subject: Relationship issues
There must be some hard feelings there. Why did you wait FOUR years? Have you ever attempted to commnicate with him by mail? Letter writing might be the best way for both of you to being an exchange of feelings - about what went wrong between you and how can you fix it.
Subject: Relationship issues
Thank you very much, everyone needs to know they are loved
Subject: Relationship issues
Your inmates visitation log is covered by the privacy laws. There is no provision where this information will be disclosed without his consent.
Subject: Relationship issues
Twenty years inside changes a person in ways that are not always visible on the surface, and understanding that context is the foundation of everything else.
When someone spends two decades in prison, they spend two decades in an environment where showing emotion is a liability. Appearing vulnerable or soft creates problems. Keeping feelings locked down is not just a habit, it becomes a survival mechanism so deeply ingrained that it does not simply switch off when the sentence ends. What...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
Inmates need support. If they are not into you anymore, they will pretend they are so you keep sending them money and have someone to talk to. When their bid is over - they feel free and want to have a fresh start.
Subject: Relationship issues
We are former inmates answering these questions. We are not the inmate that you are "speaking to". If you would like to communicate with your inmate like this, click on Letters and Photos and send a sexy picture of yourself and then ask...
Subject: Relationship issues
It is not the easiest thing for an inmate to do unless their spouse files on the outside first. Your inmate would need a lawyer to handle the court filings. For the inmate to do this, he would need to be able to pay for the legal service of filing since he cannot do it for himself. The institution will NOT do this for him, they do not look at this issue seriously.
Subject: Relationship issues
Really?? Do you think prison is a dating service? There is zero contact with female inmates by male inmates. Unless they are in a building with windows facing the interior, where they might catch a glimpse of a female inmate, there is no interaction. Inmates do not have access to the internet; there is no inter-communication between inmates online - if they use email (some places have it), it is a closed system with a very strict analytical keyword surveillance.
Subject: Relationship issues
This is a typical behavior of inmates in general. It might be the relationship, or it might just be him - and not that he is seeing or speaking to another woman but oftentimes they get depressed and disconnect from people they love. There is a perception on the inside that the outside world has forgotten us. We would give it a little time, maybe write a letter and address your concerns. He might be feeling helpless and lost, OR...
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