Relationship Issues — Ask the Inmate
Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
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This really comes down to personal boundaries and the agreement you have in your relationship, not a rule set by the prison system. Incarceration puts a lot of strain on relationships because one person has very limited control and visibility into what is happening on the outside. That can lead to trust issues, insecurity, and misunderstandings, even in strong relationships. Having friends of the opposite gender is not automatically inappropriate. What matters is: The level of
Read moreThe information is private and is available regardless of relation without written approval from the inmate to release information.
Read moreMaybe there is a logical explanation, one that you should not dismiss. Inmates have no restriction on how many letters they would like to write and send. There are not many excuses for not writing outside of two broken hands and even at that, he could have someone write the letter for him to let you know everything is okay. We have written quite a lot about how inmates try to control their loved ones from the inside,
Read moreAll of the inmate communication data is private and inaccessible by the general public. You cannot get information on their visitation list, their calling list or who sends in money. If she is calling someone else, she might not be your girl
Read moreInmates privacy is protected, therefore you cannot gain any information on the inmate's phone calls, visitation, who send him mail or money. He will not have Internet access, but there are plenty of ways to continue contact with people on the outside. If you know that he has done this while not locked up, there is a pretty good chance he will doing some of the same while locked up.
Read moreCongratulations on your baby. This is something you can absolutely get done, but it takes a few specific steps when the father is incarcerated. You cannot just send standard paperwork and expect it to be signed and accepted. Paternity forms usually have to be handled in a way that meets legal and facility requirements. Here is how to do it the right way: Contact the facility first Call the prison or jail and ask for Records or
Read moreInmates deal with loneliness in different ways. We have always felt that reading is the "great escape", which is why InmateAid promotes the concept of books, magazines and newspapers to inmates. Also, sending letters and pictures help keep the bond to loved ones strong. Inmates are oftentimes abandoned by their loved ones, shunned for the shame of incarceration. This is when loneliness and helplessness sets in. If you were thrust into a penitentiary with a few years ahead of you
Read moreThe best answer we can give is that men are one of two ways. They are either loyal and never cheat or they always seek the company of as many women as they can. You already know which type your man is. Whichever type he is, prison is not going to change that. Our answer is NOT meant to make you alter your feelings or tell you what to do. It is however a perspective that you will not get
Read moreReceiving letters and photos from the people you love while incarcerated is genuinely one of the most meaningful things that happens inside. Mail call is a ritual that never loses its weight. Hearing your name called and holding something someone took the time to write or photograph for you is a tangible reminder that the world outside has not moved on without you and that people are waiting. That connection matters more than most people on the outside realize.
Read moreWe have no idea what will happen when they are released. You probably know your inmate better than we do, and know their personality better than us. But, there are countless stories where inmates often leave their significant others upon release. You know we can't be certain about the advice we are giving here, but the overwhelming majority of inmates "run" as soon as they are on their feet. An inmate that actually has an affair is even more likely
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