Relationship Issues — Ask the Inmate
Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
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We get many of these questions from nice ladies like yourself. Our answer is the same, only you know in your heart what you feel. No advice will change that. If he is in for a long stretch of time and you are tired of what he has brought to the relationship in the last four years, then you know what to do. If you are still head-over-heels in love then let that guide you. As long as the relationship
Read moreWe receive many of these type of questions. Our answer is quite simple, you know this man and know him better than anyone else. Us giving you advice whether to stay or go would be irresponsible of us. Generally speaking, if he was loyal while he was free he will be loyal when he gets out. If he ran around when he was free... you know what is going to happen. BUT, our experience is that many, many inmates
Read moreYour situation is very common. The women left behind are doing a sentence of their own. The people telling you to break it off don't really know how you feel deep down. That is not to say their advice is not sound, they care about you and are anticipating you going through heartache. We have written quite a bit about this subject in Marry an Inmate - where the relationship is rocky (over the phone and at visitation) but makes
Read moreDivorcing someone who is incarcerated follows essentially the same legal process as any other divorce. The fact that they are in prison does not prevent the process from moving forward and does not require their consent to begin. The first step is filing the divorce petition with the family court in your jurisdiction. That filing initiates the case and generates the documents that need to be formally served on your spouse. Service of process is the legal requirement that
Read moreSomeone will have to file the case in court and that does cost a little money. If he is able to have a lawyer do the paperwork, it would cost a couple hundred dollars. If he has a jailhouse lawyer file the papers and mail them from prison, it'll only be seventy-five dollars plus some bags of tuna for the inmate that did the work inside.
Read moreHe was drinking and driving, got stopped and blames you? This sounds like a "him problem". If he is that arrogant to do something wrong and blame another person without taking any responsibility himself, we think it might be a good idea to let him cool off for a while. If he isn't going to write you, he's the one missing out. You are free to come and go, and since you can't visit - go about your life he
Read moreGetting ready to divorce an inmate does not require you to complete any additional paperwork because of the incarceration. Visit your lawyer, fill out the documents, and have them served at the prison. It is easier to serve someone in prison since it is much simpler to find the person. In some states, you may have to wait a certain amount of time before you file for divorce. For example, many states require legal separation for a year or
Read moreIt's not that they are inmates, it that they are cheaters - period. Jail has nothing to do with it. If you cannot trust them on the outside, there is nothing that will change while on the inside. Inmates are experts at getting women to send them money.
Read moreYes, it is possible in some cases, but it requires navigating several layers of approval and the default position of most correctional systems is to keep victims and inmates separated unless both parties have made a deliberate and documented choice to have contact. Most facilities have a process that allows any two parties, including a victim and the person who harmed them, to arrange contact if both consent and the facility approves it. This most commonly comes up in
Read moreIt is possible. A small folded note slipped onto a tray during a brief interaction is the kind of thing that happens in facilities across the country. Officers cannot watch every hand movement during every tray pass and inmates who want to communicate find ways to do it even in supervised settings. That said, the premise of the original concern is worth examining. Male and female inmates are housed in completely separate units and male trustees do not work
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