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Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.

Subject: Relationship issues
Respect and disrespect are personal issues. Some people would find things wrong that others do not. Would you like it if they did it to you? Society judges too harshly sometimes anyway.
Subject: Relationship issues
There is no way to find out, the information even for inmates is completely private. Only the inmate and the administration knows who sends money, sends mail, phone call list and visitation list.
Subject: Relationship issues
The honest answer, from someone who has been there, is that most inmates would want more from a pen pal relationship if they could have it. The environment of incarceration strips away so much that the arrival of a letter from someone who genuinely cares becomes disproportionately meaningful. That magnified significance can easily be mistaken for deep romantic connection on both sides. There is also something specific to being locked up that makes inmates more present, more thoughtful, and more emotionally...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Very few relationships make it past 18 months to be totally honest. There are inmates whose girlfriends came to visitation every week, talked on the phone every day, the girlfriend sent money, magazines, books, and the minute they got out they ran, ran, ran. Not sure what the deal is there, but for some reason most ex-inmates have zero loyalty. They get out and just don't want to be tied down to anything. We are not trying to upset you...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Yes, I had a couple of pen pals that rode out my bid with me. One I met in the visiting room (she was visiting another inmate) where we had a physical attraction. That penpal seemed more real to me, I made greater efforts to let myself be more open than the one that just started writing me (from a news account of my trial). Neither went beyond the intimate letters and occasional phone calls. They bought me magazines and...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Yes, we have more than one person write. When you're locked up you have nothing but free time. To us, the more letters, the better. For calls, in federal inmates may only talk 300 minutes per month (400 minutes in Nov. and Dec.), state inmates can talk all day if they have the funds on their account. Many penpals will send money so that the inmate will call them. Some do, some don't We don't mean to play mind games, BUT, the...
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Subject: Relationship issues
You might be able to get away with a county visit if their vetting procedures are not as strict. We don't know the facility you are going to, so we cannot offer anything further. If you are not permitted to visit in the prison, why would they let you visit in the county jail? Unless they don't know why you are being denied, you could try and see what happens.
Subject: Relationship issues
Your inmate is granted privacy regarding their visitation and telephone list as will as their inmate trust fund account. we would advise you to use your instinct regarding your relationship with this inmate. If you are concerned with who your inmate calls or who is on your inmate's visitation list you will lose control of your own situation. Your inmate is in prison, you are on the outside; if they are seeing or speaking with other women, you need to...
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Subject: Relationship issues
The best thing I learned was that i never want to go back. I also learned about the things in my personality that led to getting in trouble in the first place. There are no short cuts in life. If you make a practice of taking short cuts to achieve something, there's going to be a time where it catches up. That is when you realize you've gone too far. Things have to change in your thinking before you get...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Inmates are going to receive mail from whomever wants to take the time to write. I was married and yet an old girlfriend or two who I'd not spoken to in years reached out. I told my wife about it. I'm sure she didn't think it was innocent, but I was thrilled that they sent me magazines and books. It was kindness on their part, and it didn't lead to anything, I'm still happily married to my wife. If an ex is...
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