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Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.

Subject: Relationship issues
Receiving letters and photos from the people you love while incarcerated is genuinely one of the most meaningful things that happens inside. Mail call is a ritual that never loses its weight. Hearing your name called and holding something someone took the time to write or photograph for you is a tangible reminder that the world outside has not moved on without you and that people are waiting. That connection matters more than most people on the outside realize. Meeting a...
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Subject: Relationship issues
We have no idea what will happen when they are released. You probably know your inmate better than we do, and know their personality better than us. But, there are countless stories where inmates often leave their significant others upon release. You know we can't be certain about the advice we are giving here, but the overwhelming majority of inmates "run" as soon as they are on their feet. An inmate that actually has an affair is even more likely...
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Subject: Relationship issues
We get many of these questions from nice ladies like yourself. Our answer is the same, only you know in your heart what you feel. No advice will change that. If he is in for a long stretch of time and you are tired of what he has brought to the relationship in the last four years, then you know what to do. If you are still head-over-heels in love then let that guide you. As long as the relationship...
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Subject: Relationship issues
We receive many of these type of questions. Our answer is quite simple, you know this man and know him better than anyone else. Us giving you advice whether to stay or go would be irresponsible of us. Generally speaking, if he was loyal while he was free he will be loyal when he gets out. If he ran around when he was free... you know what is going to happen. BUT, our experience is that many, many inmates use women...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Your situation is very common. The women left behind are doing a sentence of their own. The people telling you to break it off don't really know how you feel deep down. That is not to say their advice is not sound, they care about you and are anticipating you going through heartache. We have written quite a bit about this subject in Marry an Inmate - where the relationship is rocky (over the phone and at visitation) but makes...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Divorcing someone who is incarcerated follows essentially the same legal process as any other divorce. The fact that they are in prison does not prevent the process from moving forward and does not require their consent to begin. The first step is filing the divorce petition with the family court in your jurisdiction. That filing initiates the case and generates the documents that need to be formally served on your spouse. Service of process is the legal requirement that the other...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Someone will have to file the case in court and that does cost a little money. If he is able to have a lawyer do the paperwork, it would cost a couple hundred dollars. If he has a jailhouse lawyer file the papers and mail them from prison, it'll only be seventy-five dollars plus some bags of tuna for the inmate that did the work inside.
Subject: Relationship issues
He was drinking and driving, got stopped and blames you? This sounds like a "him problem". If he is that arrogant to do something wrong and blame another person without taking any responsibility himself, we think it might be a good idea to let him cool off for a while. If he isn't going to write you, he's the one missing out. You are free to come and go, and since you can't visit - go about your life he...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Getting ready to divorce an inmate does not require you to complete any additional paperwork because of the incarceration. Visit your lawyer, fill out the documents, and have them served at the prison. It is easier to serve someone in prison since it is much simpler to find the person. In some states, you may have to wait a certain amount of time before you file for divorce. For example, many states require legal separation for a year or two before...
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Subject: Relationship issues
It's not that they are inmates, it that they are cheaters - period. Jail has nothing to do with it. If you cannot trust them on the outside, there is nothing that will change while on the inside. Inmates are experts at getting women to send them money.
Subject: Relationship issues
Yes, it is possible in some cases, but it requires navigating several layers of approval and the default position of most correctional systems is to keep victims and inmates separated unless both parties have made a deliberate and documented choice to have contact. Most facilities have a process that allows any two parties, including a victim and the person who harmed them, to arrange contact if both consent and the facility approves it. This most commonly comes up in the context...
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Subject: Relationship issues
It is possible. A small folded note slipped onto a tray during a brief interaction is the kind of thing that happens in facilities across the country. Officers cannot watch every hand movement during every tray pass and inmates who want to communicate find ways to do it even in supervised settings. That said, the premise of the original concern is worth examining. Male and female inmates are housed in completely separate units and male trustees do not work in women's...
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Subject: Relationship issues
You would have to check with the custodian of the county records to see if they have you registered as married.
Subject: Relationship issues
This is a serious situation and there are concrete steps you can take immediately to make the calls stop and protect yourself legally. The most direct action is to contact the facility where he is incarcerated and report the calls to the warden's office or the facility's compliance department. Every call made from a correctional facility is recorded and monitored. The facility has the ability to pull the call logs, verify the contact occurred in violation of the court order, and...
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Subject: Relationship issues
This is one of the most important questions anyone in this situation can ask themselves, and the honest answer requires looking at it from two separate angles because they are not the same question. Falling in love with someone who is incarcerated is real and it happens more than most people on the outside would expect. The circumstances of prison create an intensity of communication that is rare in everyday relationships. Letters, limited phone calls, and visits stripped of distraction can...
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