Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.
Subject: Relationship issues
The most meaningful things you can do consistently are also the most practical ones. Letters and photos matter more than almost anything else. A letter gives him something to hold, reread, and think about during the stretches when nothing is happening. Photos of you specifically close a psychological distance that phone calls and money on the books cannot. The more you send, the more present you remain in his daily reality.
Beyond that, keeping money on his books for commissary, making...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
You have all the control because you "can" walk out. He can't. You showed him that you could and his natural reaction is to try and gain some measure of dignity back by having his mom message you with his show of control. Three years is a long time together, if you want to work things out, you will need to send some love letters which talk about the issue and take some blame and apologize. If you want someone...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
No. Inmates have a right to privacy. Therefore, the records of an inmate's financial, communicative and legal remain private unless required for production in a lawsuit with a court order attached.
Subject: Relationship issues
Anything is possible but it would be very rare if ever happens. Inmates are not permitted to communicate with other inmates (by telephone, email or mail) regardless of relation, without permission from the warden.
Subject: Relationship issues
The inmate's visitation list, their phone calls, their commissary money (who supplies it) or incoming mail are all covered under the Privacy Act. This information is not available.
Subject: Relationship issues
This depends on the strength of your relationship before he went in. How long will is the sentence? How was he treating you one year before the crime?
Subject: Relationship issues
This will be tough for both of you. The separation causes many relationships to falter after the first year.
Subject: Relationship issues
This really comes down to personal boundaries and the agreement you have in your relationship, not a rule set by the prison system.
Incarceration puts a lot of strain on relationships because one person has very limited control and visibility into what is happening on the outside. That can lead to trust issues, insecurity, and misunderstandings, even in strong relationships.
Having friends of the opposite gender is not automatically inappropriate. What matters is:
The level of trust between you and your partner
Clear communication...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
The information is private and is available regardless of relation without written approval from the inmate to release information.
Subject: Relationship issues
Maybe there is a logical explanation, one that you should not dismiss. Inmates have no restriction on how many letters they would like to write and send. There are not many excuses for not writing outside of two broken hands and even at that, he could have someone write the letter for him to let you know everything is okay.
We have written quite a lot about how inmates try to control their loved ones from the inside, imagining that...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
All of the inmate communication data is private and inaccessible by the general public. You cannot get information on their visitation list, their calling list or who sends in money. If she is calling someone else, she might not be your girl
Subject: Relationship issues
Inmates privacy is protected, therefore you cannot gain any information on the inmate's phone calls, visitation, who send him mail or money. He will not have Internet access, but there are plenty of ways to continue contact with people on the outside. If you know that he has done this while not locked up, there is a pretty good chance he will doing some of the same while locked up.
Subject: Relationship issues
Congratulations on your baby. This is something you can absolutely get done, but it takes a few specific steps when the father is incarcerated.
You cannot just send standard paperwork and expect it to be signed and accepted. Paternity forms usually have to be handled in a way that meets legal and facility requirements.
Here is how to do it the right way:
Contact the facility first
Call the prison or jail and ask for Records or the Counselor’s office. Let them know you...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
Inmates deal with loneliness in different ways. We have always felt that reading is the "great escape", which is why InmateAid promotes the concept of books, magazines and newspapers to inmates. Also, sending letters and pictures help keep the bond to loved ones strong. Inmates are oftentimes abandoned by their loved ones, shunned for the shame of incarceration. This is when loneliness and helplessness sets in. If you were thrust into a penitentiary with a few years ahead of you...
Read moreSubject: Relationship issues
The best answer we can give is that men are one of two ways. They are either loyal and never cheat or they always seek the company of as many women as they can. You already know which type your man is. Whichever type he is, prison is not going to change that. Our answer is NOT meant to make you alter your feelings or tell you what to do. It is however a perspective that you will not get...
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