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Incarceration puts enormous strain on every type of relationship, marriages, partnerships, parent-child bonds, friendships, and family connections of all kinds. The distance, the communication barriers, the financial stress, and the emotional weight of the situation test relationships in ways that most couples and families are not prepared for. This section covers how to maintain a healthy relationship during incarceration, how to navigate jealousy, suspicion, and communication breakdowns when contact is limited to calls and letters, what the research shows about relationships that survive incarceration versus those that do not, how to support a partner or family member emotionally from the outside, and how to approach the changes that both people go through during a long sentence. The guidance here is honest about the difficulty while being realistic about what is possible with consistent effort and genuine commitment. See also our sections on Family Services, Visitation, and Marriage in Prison.

Subject: Relationship issues
He could have gotten the information from people on the outside that are contacting him. Inmates learn a lot about respect and loyalty while incarcerated and who their real friends are. If the information is correct, he may never contact you if there is even a hint of betrayal, he is gone.
Subject: Relationship issues
Prison is a time for reflection and inmates who really allow themselves to open up and take responsibility for their actions tend to look for reassurance from the ones they have counted on in the past. The flip side to this is that the inmate is just using you to get commissary money and to have an outside contact to keep connected to the outside world. You will have to use your instincts to know which it is since you...
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Subject: Relationship issues
You can file for and receive a divorce from an inmate, as long as the presiding judge does not hold it up - for reasons that might have to do with the incarceration. The inmate is NOT provided an attorney but will have to respond to the documents that are served to him in the prison. He can hire an outside attorney to file for him or do it himself (sometimes with the assistance of a paralegal inmate that helps...
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Subject: Relationship issues
None of the choices are "the best", and he is going to take it hard no matter how you deliver it. Our advice is to get it over sooner rather than later so that he has time to heal. In person, if he is likely to make a scene this would be the least favorable. On the phone, you only have 15 minutes, and in a letter you can really think about what you want to say. Therefore, we think...
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Subject: Relationship issues
You have to believe what you see with your eyes. You say it's on the rocks, incarceration is not a remedy for broken relationships. If he is writing and you are not getting the letters, then you might try calling his counselor or the mail room and inquire IF he is sending mail. If there are no letters, what is there to fight about...? Only you know your man, was he true to you before he went in, then we...
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Subject: Relationship issues
try calling the facility and ask to speak to the chaplain
Subject: Relationship issues
Your "roll model" is hurting now and probably a little embarrassed to hear from you. BUT, we are in favor of reaching out in times like these. If your instinct is to contact them, then follow that. Your sincerity and willingness to initiate communication is a great thing.
Subject: Relationship issues
Fear is a big part of how every inmate deals with their time. Fear of losing support is real and it makes many inmates anxious as it is often tied to finanacial support. The anxiety leads to paranoia and before you know it, there are accusations and fights on the phone that will make both of you miserable. Since communication is limited, it's hard to keep the intimacy and feelings going strong without significant effort. The isolation that the inmate experiences...
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Subject: Relationship issues
Of course you should be concerned and it is to be expected, from both your perspectives. He is wondering what you are doing, thinks the worst even if you have never given an inclination that you'd stray. It's natural, but it will take a Herculean effort on both of your parts to keep it going. Give him his space for a bit, stop peppering him with questions. He's in prison, he's getting punished - do not pile on with your...
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